I have a story in my head and about four versions of it on the page. I know in my bones it's a good short story. It has that single shift that works perfectly within this genre and no other. So why does every version I bring out sound lame? I'm played with it, embellished it, stripped it down to the bones (best bet so far) but I feel I've wrong-routed its voice. Can't think of a better way of putting that.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? Better still, had it and resolved it?

I'm a bit glum about it as I'd ear marked this for submission to The Guardian and now looks like I have nothing to put in for it.

Who's POV did you write it from?

I had something similar involving two main characters and one complete non-entity and it wasn't till I had written it from the POV of the two main characters (both versions were drab, dull and lifeless) and then wrote it from the POV of the non-entity that I realised the non-entity was, in fact, the main character for the scene... ah... and then he got a bit out of control, so I had to rewrite a whole chunk of stuff and restructure the whole bloody story to let him do all the things he had to do. And now, one of the two former main characters is the non-entity and ah...

Isn't writing fun?

Goddamn, I love this stuff.

cherys,

I find it hard to comment without seeing the story. Please send it to me if you'd like a second opinion - I'd love to read anything by you. In fact, how about a swap? You could read the first chapter of my WIP, about which I am now having grave doubts. I took it to a workshop last week and got some scathing feedback. In fact, how about a total swap? Ah, but we've been there before.

~Rod.

Yes, I was about to suggest trying out different PoVs. Also change from first to third person, or vice versa. Could you be starting at the wrong point in the story? Or the right idea, but in the wrong setting?

Alternatively, it's just not ready to be written yet - there's something about it which your mind can't or won't bring forward.

Or is it nothing to do with the story, but to do with what else is going on, so that you can't see it straight?

And I'm in the same boat re the Guardian: I worked out the bones of a story last week, thanks to your encouraging it, but I don't think I'm going to be able to get it anywhere near worth sending in. Pity - it was being fun and it's ages since I've written a story.

Emma

Keep at it Emma. The not inconsiderable Manchester Prize (a cool £10k) closes in about three weeks time, so it's always worth sending it to that if the Guardian doesn't fit.

Rod, thank you. I'll post the latest version to you by tonight, for a swap. Be direct in your crit. I will be. Fast turn-around feedback? I'm teaching tonight but can crit yours by tomorrow lunchtime, and would love your crit back by then, so I have time for rewrites prior to subbing.

Actually, I've been thinking about it as I work on it and I've isolated the problem, which I'm just about to post for discussion on the Technique Forum. it interests me and I've only just twigged it as a weakness. It's: focus.

<Added>

Sorry, meant to add it can only be one POV. It is this character's turning point. Just, um, not very well written right now.

I'll be quick.

Thought about The Manchester too, but they charge a not inconsiderable £15 per entry, which is a lot for a short story comp.

<Added>

I won't read your thread on Focus until I've read the story.

I have another story in mind for Manc and won't let myself write in until this one's done. Maybe that's half the problem. The Manc story is burning away up there and this one is quietly ticking over.

And isn't Bridport still (just) open? I've been so out of the short-story loop... But can I spare the time from the novel? I've hit a bit of a patch like Rosy - digging clay, pulling teeth - and I suspect the last thing I should be doing is indulging another story.

Emma

Bridport's closed, Emma. Closed a week ago, I think.