First off, thanks to those who gave me advice for writing my first query, but I decided to abandon that idea for the moment (probably because the novel lacks anything commerical about it), so I decided to try again with one of my other novels. And could do with some help.


First of, here is a synopsis of the story. It's called Legacy of Dronor-The Dragonkin and it's a fantasy novel. The synopsis is as follows (thanks to Naomi for helping me with it)


Over many thousands of years, the Dragons of the planet Drakon have been capable of travelling to different worlds via portals and thus spread their legends.

Before his death Dronor, the last of the Dragons, chooses four Drakon sisters and to each he imparts his power. The sisters became known as the Dragonkin.

But now, a time of darkness is approaching. The Baalarian Empire seeks to dominate Drakon, and one of the Dragonkin has betrayed her sisters and joined forces with the enemy.

Meanwhile on planet Earth, Ben Anthony, a teenage street kid with a knack for getting into trouble, finds himself accidentally teleported to Drakon. As he tries to find his way back home, he teams up with a number of bizarre allies, and so the battle for Drakon begins!


Which do you think should be the important bits to mention? Also, a couple of other questions.

1) One of the main theme in my novel is the lack of magic. It still follows in traditional fantasy settings, but subsitutes sorcery for science. Should I mention that in the query? How would i word it?

2) The one thing that does worry me is that (unlike a lot of new or published writers) I haven't really got any writing qualifications or other things relevance (other than I had a couple of articles published for an online newsletter, but I don't think that will help). Will that affect me getting published or not?

Any help would be brilliant. Thanks.

One thing that strikes me about it - and also something I mentioned in the chapter you uploaded - is the number of words beginning with Dr. You might want to take a look at that - maybe change some of the names.

As for writing qualifications, the majority of writers sending in submissions don't have any, so I wouldn't worry about it - it's the quality of the writing that counts.


- NaomiM


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As for the lack of magic: does Anne McCaffrey's Dragons of Pern series ghave any magic? I have a feeling it doesn't. Just place it in the Fantasy genre, I don't think it matters if it has magic or not.

I haven't read Dragons of Pern, but I see your point. I guess I don't need to mention it.

As for changing the names. mmmmm. I guess I could. I never really noticed it (other than when you pointed it out). Do you think that might be a major problem?

Hi, Dwriter -
Again, similar form for the query letter in terms of listing title, genre, wordcount and the fact that it's a completed novel: but for your two paras, you need a shortish one which encapsulates the story which is more like a blurb - a hook to get the agent reading. Just one sentence, preferably. Then a second, longer, para to embellish this. Don't see why you can't use most of what you have already written, eg:

Now, only one dragon survives. Before his death Dronor, the last of the Dragons, chooses four Drakon sisters and to each he imparts his power. The sisters become known as the Dragonkin. But a time of darkness approaches: the Baalarian Empire seeks to dominate Drakon, and one of the Dragonkin has betrayed her sisters and joined forces with the enemy. Meanwhile on planet Earth, Ben Anthony, a teenage street kid with a knack for getting into trouble, finds himself accidentally teleported to Drakon. As he tries to find his way back home, he teams up with a series of bizarre allies, and so the battle for Drakon begins.

Susiex

Do you think that might be a major problem?

Ummm, how to put this tactfully. Alliteration is a basic writing fault. If it is your only writing fault, then an Agent could probably overlook it. But they will be mentally totting such things up as they read on, and the presence and absence of such faults are the main difference between those writers with writing credits & qualifications and those without.

- NaomiM

Ok, this is what I have so far. Please tell me how I can improve it as I'm not sure it's that good at the moment.


Dear Sir or Madam. (or name of agent/publisher if you think that's applicable


I am seeking representation/publication for my completed fantasy novel Legacy of Dronor-The Dragonkin, which is 86,516 words.

Originally, the Dragons came from the planet Drakon and were the only species to discover methods of time travel. When the last Dragon passed away, he gave his power to four sisters, who became the Dragonkin.

Ten years later, a time of darkness is approaching. The Baalarian Empire is poised to dominate the planet and one of the Dragonkin has joined forces with them and betrayed her sisters. In the middle of this, Ben Anthony, an Earthling teenager with a knack for getting into trouble, finds himself accidentally teleported here. As he tries to find his way back home, he teams up with the Dragonkin and the battle for Drakon begins!

Not sure how to end it though, any suggestions?

Alliteration is a basic writing fault.

Wow, I never realised that. That's something I need to look out for. I think my problem is that I naturally go for words beginning with D as that's my name.

However, in my defence, I did choose the name Drakon because it's Russian (I think, I could be wrong in this) for Dragon. I did kind of want the planet to have a dragon sounding name. It's not a major issue, I can always change it. I'm sure their are other variations of the word Dragon that don't begin with D.

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But thanks for bringing it to my attention anyway. Any critique is good.