I meant it tongue and cheek. Sometimes, you can't help it. I used to listen in on my parents discussing my school reports from the top of the stairs, so I can certainly see the benefits of being forewarned.

JB

If I overheard something about myself, my next piece of gossip I would start with the words 'Guess what xxxx said about me the other day'

Glad to know I'm not the only one keeping the rumour mill going!

JB

Two teenage goths walked past hubby and I yesterday when we were by our local lake feeding the swans, and their conversation went like this -

Him - 'so do you think all fat people are miserable then?'

Her - 'well they must be. What about Santa, I bet he's only happy one day a year, and that's Christmas day after he'd delivered all the presents. I bet the rest of the year he's really unhappy.'

WTF?!!!

Katerina

Speaking of taking inspiration from your environment, I like to think about interesting graffiti and where it came from. There is a piece on a wall near my parents house that says "John Bonham RIP" which must be there over twenty years. There's another message written into the cement of the pavement nearby that says "Cliff is a cliff", which always sets me giggling. I always find myself imagining the stories and circumstances behind their composition. Could be a good way to kick off a short story...

What a great thread – how did I miss it until now?

I was told this story about thirty years ago and I have no idea where it originated…

A man at a party in London in the 60s finds himself talking to a very attractive woman. She looks vaguely familiar in that have-I-seen-her-on-TV sort of way, and she was giving it big, like she expected to be recognised. Feeling cornered, he took a wild stab and said ‘How’s your father?’
She looked shocked. ‘Heavens,’ she said. ‘My father died in 1952. I thought everyone knew that.’
He apologised and tried again. Something clocked in his brain… something to do with a sister.
‘And your sister?’ he said. ‘Is she well? What’s she up to these days?’
The woman smiled. ‘My sister?’ she said. ‘She’s fine. Still the Queen.’

I love the story of one of Queen Victoria's dinner parties, where an old and very deaf admiral was asked about his wife. Miss-hearing the name he assumed the Queen was asking after one of his battleships, and said 'we're putting her in dry dock next week and having her bottom scrubbed'. Needless to say, Queen Victoria was amused.

Just noticed this thread, actually I was going to start one on the same subject myself. I love eavesdropping, little old ladies are usually the best. The other day I walked past a city academy in Hackney and heard two women talking to each other - Nah, they're all gone. Really? Yeah, there are no more lesbians in Hackney anymore.

Bizarre.
x

Luvly, Jubbly

I just love that sort of thing.


- NaomiM

Took my 9 year old nephew and his eight year old mate, who's Mum was expecting a baby, to Pizza Express, then just sat back and listened to the conversation that went like this...
'I can't wait, especially if it's a boy, then I can play with him.'

'Yeah, you'll be big enough to pick him up!'

(really excited) 'Yeah! I can throw him on the sofa! (reflective pause) but we'll have to put a cushion on the back in case he cracks his head on a picture and breaks it.'

'yeah, just chuck him on the bed instead.'

Enough to make any new parent quake in their boots, Amiria

- NaomiM

Yeah! And there was no malice there, they honestly thought the kid would have a great time! Incidentally, the kid has now survived three months and looks pretty sturdy.

Every so often the local churches, in our town, have a joint meeting. This Dibleyesque near-transcript was relayed to me by one of the attendees.

Man 1: We must write a letter objecting to the planning application for the lap-dancing club.

Vicar: Why?

Man 1: It doesn’t do anything for the ladies.

Vicar: It gives them jobs.

Man 2: Why are we objecting? Is there any sort of gambling involved?

Man 1: No it’s a lap-dancing club. It’s whole thrust is sexual stimulation without satisfaction.

Man 2: But what about gambling?

Vicar: If anyone doesn’t want us to write a letter no one’s going to accuse them of lewdness.

Priest: I really don’t think we should be telling people how to live their lives, you know.

Oh Murphy, that's fab.

Some of the best overhearings - the simple ones like the lamb chops - in this thread remind me irresistibly of Alan Bennett, and Victoria Wood, and I've been trying to pin it down. I think it's partly that they imply a whole story of some sort. And the incongruity of the speaker thinking it's normal, and it not being to us. That's true of the brothel story, for example.

I once sat behind a 20 minute conversation between two oldish ladies, about Skegness versus Brighton and Blackpool versus Torquay, etc. etc. Eventually one said, 'I like Eastbourne,' and the other said, 'Is there a Butlins in Eastbourne? I didn't think there was.'

Emma

Classic!