Hi, I'm probably just passing through on a month's trial (although I've found this website really interesting and helpful ) but would like to ask the following question (not sure if this is the right place, but can't find a better one):

Do you talk about your writing to other people who are non-writers? What kind of response do you get?

I've learned to keep quiet about it because, where I'm from, people don't write. And the people I know/meet don't seem to understand and their reaction can be anything from sneering (because I'm not published) to downright hostile (this last is particularly true of family, in my case).

It's hard because hiding my writing is hiding part of who I am.

Have other people experienced this or am I entirely alone?

I get 3 basic responses:

"Oh, so you're going to be the next JKR?"

"What, still?"

"That's nice, dear - did you know your cousin's just published another book?..." - it sort of gets unintelligable after that because of the strangling noises.

I think it's terrible you feel you have to hide your writing. It's something you should be very proud of, and maybe learn a few choice quips (such as I do) with which to defend yourself when people are denigrating to the art.

I find a good 'I can see I'm talking to a Neanderthal' helps. Or 'Of course, I understand the last book you read was Noddy, but...'

Don't hide your light under a bushel. You have to fight for respect in this game. Telling your parents you're intending to write about them is also a great way of upping the interest - shock and awe, my friend, shock and awe.

JB

I remember a question like this coming on WW a couple of years back, and it was frightening just how many WWers were in a similar situation.

To some extent very few non-writers will understand what it's really like, even the well intentioned ones, and that's what WW and the others are for - we do understand. But it's tough when friends and family's non-understanding becomes sneering or even hostility. Some people find it incredibly threatening when their nearest and dearest set out to do things beyond the community's normal horizons. But their hostility is about their own fears and insecurities about what's beyond those horizons, nothing to do with you and your work.

Emma

Hi - yeah, I think the kind of reactions you are getting are quite common. On the one hand, I found that telling a few people I was writing a book did give me some impetus to keep going and finish it - so that was good.

On the other hand, the most usual response I get is "Oh, you won't be too disappointed if it never gets published, will you, dear? It's very competitive," - as if they have this insider knowledge of the publishing industry and think they are the first to break this news to my innocent little self.

I've only had one person actually hostile - in a passive way - and I think they had their own reasons for that, which is no skin off my nose.

I haven't told my parents I've written a book though. It would be weird if they read it - whenever I wrote stories as a kid, they'd always assume I was writing about myself - and they'd think that with the book, too.

Caro

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Oh, and another reaction is "I'd love to write a book, but I haven't got the time." Funny, that. I didn't have the time either.

Thanks so much for your supportive replies, they're much appreciated.

I'm sort of pleased and sorry that I'm not alone in this. I often find it's the same people who are happy to boast they've got more money than me that will also be unpleasant about my writing. I think those who put the pursuit of money before all else are often the most insecure because they're not living as themselves (if you see what I mean). But my lack of confidence in what I'm doing prevents my sticking up for myself. And you're spot on, Emma, I know it's them not me, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with (I'm thinking more of family).

I'm naturally a very open person and perhaps have been too open with the wrong people. I used to be into photography as well and was getting nowhere (in professional terms) with that or writing and I can remember saying this to a 'friend' on the phone once and she said 'you must be a lousy writer and a lousy photographer'. Nice.

It's my fault for letting people make me feel horrible about 'getting nowhere' and it's hard to call yourself a writer when the word isn't written in your passport. But at least I know I'm a better writer today than I was yesterday and tomorrow I'll be better still. As the old song goes, 'they can't take that away from me'.

Something I was reading pointed out that the reason your archetypal yuppie is so obsessed with not only having money (well, we all quite like having money) but with flashing it around, is that how much they made was the only tangible evidence of what they do all day and their own human achievement. They couldn't point to a shop full of customers or a well-designed ad or a well-run leisure centre or a dyslexic child reading their first book. All they had was some numbers at the bottom of the screen.

Even when people's jobs are quite satisfying, it's hard to quantify, and also, perhaps, in some company, worryingly un-macho to talk about it in other terms. So money becomes the way people measure their success. It's a bit like parents who appear only to enjoy their children's exams success: it's hard to talk about the long-term intangible things, even if you're very aware of them.

Similarly, it's very hard to talk about the non-publishing non-money satisfactions of writing, even if you want to - it's too personal a thing for many people anyway.

But at least I know I'm a better writer today than I was yesterday and tomorrow I'll be better still. As the old song goes, 'they can't take that away from me'.

You're so right. That's the important thing, whichever way your writing career goes.

Emma

I like money, and wish I had more of it, but I got to a point in my life where I was not prepared to do just anything to get it. So I largely do without! I run a small business which leaves me time to write but doesn't make much money - I now worry so much about money that I find it difficult to give 'head space' to my writing. There's no getting round it, money is pretty important.

Looking back at the unkind people I've had to deal with re. my writing, they have largely been salespeople of one sort or another. Speaks volumes.

Not many people value endeavour, only 'success'. If I published a book tomorrow, those same people would probably be smarming round me. I daresay people here know similar types. Yek.

I never told anyone about it, except my internet writer friends, and my parents and partner and just a very few close 'real life' friends. It's the hubris, isn't it? The idea that you might actually be thinking you are good enough to get published.

My parents were very much in the camp which says, oh well, that's nice, but you do know the odds are massively stacked against publication, don't you? I know they didn't want me to get my hopes up only to be dashed, but it did sometimes feel like lack of belief/encouragement. My dad even took the p*ss out of me for talking about my 'book' (this AFTER I'd got an agent for it) because he said it wasn't a book until it had covers. (Weird, because to me 'my novel', when it's unpublished, sounds far more pretentious!) But on the other hand they did read it, and enjoyed it, and encouraged me to write for my own pleasure and that of the internet friends who were sharing my writing at the time - and to believe that was an end in itself. Still a bloody important lesson, given the rate at which my manuscripts get turned down by my publisher (50% to date).

For me at work - perhaps unusually- the embarrassment is not that I write novels in the evenings, but that they are commercial, romantic, trash, and not the 'real' literary stuff!

Rosy 

For me at work - perhaps unusually- the embarrassment is not that I write novels in the evenings, but that they are commercial, romantic, trash, and not the 'real' literary stuff!

Well I for one would much rather write the next Katie Price's Crystal, selling +/- 200K copies, than Anne Enright's The Gathering selling +/- 2K copies, even if it did mean not getting a crack at the Booker.

Not many people value endeavour, only 'success'.

Very true - I'd feel a right wally telling someone I was a writer unless I'd had a book published. But the amount of time spent actually writing would be the same, published or not.

Caro

I've only recently started letting on to people outside the home that I'm writing. The thing is, it gets hard not to mention it when you spend every free moment doing it. Being immersed in writing sites, like this one, and making new writing friends does make it seem less eccentric and secret somehow. But I'd never say I was a 'writer' unless i got something published.
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I only started calling it my 'novel' after months and momths on here. Before that, i always called it my 'story', which seemed right somehow (but would be confusing here). But, yes, my 'novel' seems a bit pretentious and overly optimistic!!!

Most people I know know, including a few people at work. It is a bit horrible when you're hanging on for an editor/agent to get back to you and people are asking, 'so, when's it being published?'.

I tend to keep quiet about the actual submitting side of things, and if people ask, just tell them the bare minium. I haven't had any awful responses. Some people can be a bit sneery, but I don't care.

B

I haven't had any awful responses.

- me neither. Just embarrassed silences and weird looks.

I get the JKR comments a lot. Worst still, because I have a very strong physical resemblence to her, I've even been mistaken for her when out and about.

The other thing people always say whenever I admit to writing books for children is 'will it be illustrated?'

My m-in-law (in her eighties now) asked me if my new book will be 'like Swallows and Amazons?' I so nearly said 'More like Swallows a Razor Blade' but just managed to bite my tongue in time!