I wrote a script quite some time ago, at first I loved it but after my ego deflated I realised it was not the master piece to change the course of comedy culture as I though it might. Not to sound big head but there was a lot I really liked and still do but there was much that wasn't right. For a comedy the characters were not witty enough in their dialogue and the main theme was not inventive enough though individual events that occurred were.

Now I am drastically revamping the script, completely butchering it really, I have an imaginative theme and I am going to take the best bits from the original. What I would love from you is to be as critical as possible about my original work, I want to know all that is wrong with it, be as harsh as possible, I want to correct the mistakes and be a bit closer to that perfect script I dreamt of. If you are interested let me know and I will put the script on for your viewing.

Thank you

Scott

Scott, I'll look at it for you, but my comments will be from a shorts writing perspective, so I can't say how useful they'd be.

Any response would be great, a script is something made to be turned into a program so you will also know when reading this whether it is something you would or would not want to see on television. Thank you, I'll put my script on the site for general viewing, it will be called barstools and locals

Dear Scott,

Like yourself, I write films. I would be happy to take a look at it for you.

Glennis

Thank you Glennis

There is a lot I do like about it but I think in particular the beginning starts weak and as I said the characters are not vocally witty enough. I know you have read the first chapter of The Land but I wrote that over two years ago and I have changed vastly in my writing approach. I like to think I am changing for the better all the time and the only way to do that is to improve and know where I am going wrong.

I am currently dramatically rewriting the script; I have changed the plot but done so to keep some of the fight scenes that occur late on in the original script. Especially I am working hard on the dialogue so I hope it’s an improvement, any comments you have will be gratefully received, no matter how harsh or even cruel.

Thank you

Scott,
is it in films? what's it called?

Yes Becca it is in films but you can simply just click on my name and see my up loaded work, it is called Barstools and Locals