I need some help. I’m trying to decide what to do with one of my finished novels. It is written in the third person, but entirely from the POV of the main female character. I did this quite deliberately because I didn’t want her – or the readers – to know what was going on in the minds of the other characters. I love this novel but have to admit that it’s lacking something which I’m finding difficult to define.

Now I’m considering rewriting the whole thing in the first person POV. I’ve experimented with the first chapter and think it’s an improvement but, as it’s over 100,000 words, this is a major undertaking.

I’ve upload the first chapter in the original form and then, in a couple of days time, I’ll post the new one. Any comments on either version would be much appreciated but what I would really welcome is honest – and I do mean honest – comparisons between the two.

Sorry to be so cagey about the title. I’m pretty laid-back about plots and storylines but a bit over-precious about my titles…

Thanks.
Dee.


<Added>

Before you all run and hide, perhaps I'd better confirm it's the whole novel that's 100,000 words - not the chapter I've uploaded...

You read my mind Dee. :D One chapter 100,000 words! I nearly did a Dubya and choked on the pretzel I was eating! Will get back to you in a month...

x

Just wanted to say I'm delighted with the constructive comments I've had already to this. A huge thank you. Hope you'll all stick with me and comment on the next version too...

ee.
x

I'd like to read the two versions, Dee, but I don't know what I'm looking for.
Becca.

I enjoyed your opening chapter very much and think your right to switch to the first person. I found the 3rd person narrative a little slow. The opening line is terrific, but revealing the root of her anger so quickly knocked the stuffing out of it bit for me. Perhaps waiting and revealing that in the pub while she's talking to her friend will add some tension, and help emphasise that this is something others are struggling with as well?

Best of luck with it.

Harry

I need a clue where to find it, or am I just being thick?
Becca.

Sorry Becca, just got home from work and found you post. The two versions are called PFTG - Version 1 and PFTG - Version 2

Looking forward to hearing what you think.

Cheers
Dee.

This has been a wonderful exercise in how much we can help each other on WW. It wasn’t until I read your comments on Version 1 and then compared them to what you said about 2 that I could see you were, intentionally or otherwise, pointing to something I hadn’t considered. That it was my approach to the main character which was the problem – not the POV.

I still think this novel could work either way but, unless someone comes up with an overwhelming reason otherwise, I’m going to rewrite it… without changing POV…

I think!

Thanks a million.
Dee.

I see you're number one again, boss!!

See what a little publicity can do. D'you do spin, as well?