Hi, I've uploaded an excerpt of what I hope to be a much longer piece. In this first portion I'm hoping to give the reader a feel for the first person narrator, a feel for his unrequieted first love, and a hook of a sort that I personally have never seen before, though the hook occurs in the last paragraph only.

I'm really asking what the piece feels like to the objective reader. I'm trying to create a good character depth and reader's empathy prior to dropping the Protag' deep into the story.

Any and all comments are greatly appreciated.

Darryl

It's in the 'Fiction III' group.