Just started to write my first novel please tell me what you think. Its about the story of a pilots life before he crashes in a destert.

A layer of sand drifted along the dunes of the Arabian Desert, leaving nothing but inch deep ripples in its way. The sky; dominated by the intense light of metal melting sun, showed only clear blue alongside a small blur of white dispersing cloud. A five inch matt black scorpion, with two pear shaped pincers bigger than its armour coated body, absorbing the unforgiving rays of sun; scurried among the Desert sand eagerly searching for prey. The sun was distorted from the immense waves of heat passing through the desert, glistening on the scrap metal of what was once the third fastest stealth plane in America, and scorched though the heat and pressure resistant clothing, that was the pilots uniform.

Hi Alex, and welcome to WW

Good to see that you're brimming with confidence in sharing your work. The best thing to do if you want a critique on it is to join one of the groups and post it there (you can post a longer section than this). Then you just begin to join in by critting other people's work as well - lots to learn by receiving and giving comments.

Freebird

I am very new to writing so I can only say,I like the beginning, you gave a good description and I'm sure it will become an interesting story

I really like descriptive writing so was instantly taken with the detail in your opening. I do have some suggestions though, if that's ok, that might improve the flow a little.

A layer of sand drifted along the dunes of the Arabian Desert, leaving nothing but inch deep ripples in its way.

Replace 'way' with 'wake'

The sky;

no need for the ;

dominated by the intense light of metal melting sun,

metal melting sun jars a little - how about just 'the sun'?

showed only clear blue alongside a small blur of white dispersing cloud.

no need for the 'only' or 'a small blur'

A five inch matt black scorpion, with two pear shaped pincers bigger than its armour coated body, absorbing the unforgiving rays of sun;

replace 'absorbing' with 'absorbed'
replace the ; with 'as it'

scurried among the Desert sand eagerly searching for prey. The sun was distorted from the immense waves of heat passing through the desert, glistening on the scrap metal of what was once the third fastest stealth plane in America,

and scorched though the heat and pressure resistant clothing, that was the pilots uniform.

I can't quite make sense of the final line I'm afraid.

I hope I have been of some help - just my opinion of course!

Stu Ayris
http://tollesburytimeforever.blogspot.com/

Thanks for the input.

I am 17 years old and have no qualifications higher than GCSEs so I expect there to be a ridiculous amount of mistakes.

Hi Alex

The fact that you have started to write a novel makes you something special. How many 17 year olds would have the determination, guts and intelligence to do such a thing? I really like your style so keep going mate. I don't believe there is ever such a thing as a mistake where writing is concerned. There are opinions and that is all. My favourite author, Jack Kerouac, used hardly any punctuation and broke all the rules there ever were. I love him, some people can't stand him. The important thing is to keep going, keep writing and don't be put off by old fools like me. If I can help in any way though, let me know!

Stu
http://tollesburytimeforever.blogspot.com/

Hi Alex,

If someone takes the time to read your work and then write and give tips, like Stu did, take that as a BIG compliment, imagine the time it has taken for him to do so, I'm always happy when someone ctitiques for me because it helps me to make progress, happy writing and let us see some more soon x

That is true - although sometimes someone commenting and offering suggestions on your writing is like someone telling you need a haircut. Difficult to take a times! What I have learned over the years is that sometimes it's not the advice but the way that advice is given that is important. I'm sorry Alex if you thought I was being critical - I really wasn't. And if anyone needs a haircut, it's definitely me!!

Stu
http://tollesburytimeforever.blogspot.com/

I really appreciate the input and didnt think you were being critical at all just helpfull. I corrected every mistake you pointed out and wasnt offended at all.

Good stuff! Like I said, any help you need just let me know. I am most definitely not always right but I will do my best. Just keep on keeping on mate!

Stu
http://tollesburytimeforever.blogspot.com/

Alex
You are on the best way possible, you have learnt something new to help you in your writing and for 17 I think you have acted in a very mature way. I have just started to write so I know what it is like.