Hi folks. Earlier comments on this story suggested that the early part of the relationship needed fleshing out a little, so I've added to it.

Also, what do you think of the name? It worked for me when this was a very short piece, some 200 words or so, but I think it may have now outgrown it now.

Just one more thing (I'm beginning to feel like Columbo) there are no names in the story. Does that work for you?

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This might help:

http://www.writewords.org.uk/groups/show_article.asp?group_id=68&article_id=1215