Hello there,

I'd appreciate constructive criticism -as heavy as you like- on this piece, which is my first real step out of writing flash-length fiction (tho it's still quite short).

It's unfinished I'm afraid (I'm hard at work on the final section) so I'm looking for thoughts on style, whether it engages sufficiently, how smoothly it reads, how convincing it sounds etc.

Basically, I've been too close to it and lost perspective, so would appreciate cool appraising eyes very much.

http://www.writewords.org.uk/archive/24461.asp

Thanks

Pete