Ok, Jumping the gun a bit here. It's another episode of my series, but I'm putting this one up because it needs the most work. I don't think this script has ANY storyline whatsoever so I need some critism in order to improve it. I think it has some good ideas, but I want to expand on them a little bit so I need a push in the right direction. So this time around I've put this scripts comments under "Go on I can take it".

Any advice appreciated as I will be submitting a few of these scripts to agents soon.

http://www.writewords.org.uk/archive/8149.asp