Almost at the end now. I’ve just uploaded chapter 27. Please be super-critical. I need to be sure this one works.

Dee
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<Added>

Chapter 27 is back. For those who've read the first version, I've only changed the first two sections.

Any better? Don't be scared to tell me it's crap again! I can take it.

Now I'm really really late for work!

Dee
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OK, as all three people who have commented so far have said the same thing, I’m going to re-write this chapter. I haven’t taken it off the site – just set it so only I can see it while I’m working on it.

Sharon, Jon and Elspeth, many thanks for your feedback – it’s enormously helpful.

Dee
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bugger it! i was about to comment but wanted to read it through one more time! i'll wait then....
but - did remember i got very confused over when it was tanya and when it was lily. suspense was fantastic though. i thought you got that down wonderfully well. will wait for the re-write....
sue
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Thanks Sue.

Dee
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Dee, I read it last night but didn't have time to comment.
For what it's worth, I did have a bit of a problem with the 'Flick' transition.
I'll wait for the rewrite and (hopefully) be a little more helpful.

Best
Sion

Sorry, Dee.

Saw your original post last night but was too slow (again) to grab a copy to read.

I await the re-write with interest (as always).

jim pux xx

Thanks guys!

I’d hoped I’d hidden it before too many people spent time reading it – sorry about that.

This is an example of one of the massive – and I mean massive – benefits of this site. Sharon and Elspeth are two (of many) friends I can rely on to tell me the truth. Obviously it’s wonderful when the feedback is glowing but it’s times like these where you thank the heavens for people you can trust.

Dee
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Chapter 27 is back. For those who've read the first version, I've only changed the first two sections.

Any better? Don't be scared to tell me it's crap again! I can take it.

Now I'm really really late for work!

Dee
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Hell’s bells! You guys are tough.

I’m impressed with the detail of your comments… great feedback so far… lots of it and all nicely specific… but I’m suffering from Friday night syndrome. I promise I’ll sort this tomorrow.

This is possibly the most difficult chapter in the novel and I’m enormously grateful for your help.

If I don’t crack it this weekend I’m going to take up knitting again…

xx

OK, third time lucky, I hope. It's not a new upload, I've changed the version I posted yesterday morning.

Guys, if you can bear to read it again, I'll love you for ever (I will even if you don't )

I've changed most of the sections that you thought needed improving. I'm off back to the archive now to try and explain the ones I haven't changed.

Eternal thanks for your endurance!

Dee
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Dee, I'll read tomorrow... promise!
Ex

Just wanted to say an extra thank you to Sharon, Elspeth, John, Sion, Sue and Dawn for the massive help I’ve had with chapter 27. It’s been a difficult one and you’ve all worked so hard with me to get it right.

I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that – especially as it’s such a long one!

Many thanks.

Dee
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Can you bear it???

As Sharon suggested, I've changed the section after @@@@@ into Fynn's POV so, instead of the 'resigned gesture' there's a new passage about his feelings and reactions to what's happening. From the point where Tanya lights up the cellar, it's pretty much as it was.

If you can bear to read this little section again, I’ll be eternally grateful. But I really will understand if you’re sick of the sight of it!

Dee
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Dee, just read and I think it works much better. The lead into the cellar scene is smoother plus it gives Georgia some breathing space. Now, get on with the next chapter!

Ex

Elspeth, thank you, thank you, thank you!

I’m on it now – getting a bit emotional – that probably means you’ll all go ‘yuk, what is this?’

Dee
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