London is suffering the worst winter on record, giant rats are being frozen out of the sewers, the wild life of London is mutating, zombies are using the underground to get to work, monsters are living in leisure centre swimming pools off the Camden high road, the world is going to end on New Year's Eve and only a crazy dude called Spax can save us.

Is the whole thing pants? Does it starts too slowly, I mean the claret doesn’t start to flow until the second part of chapter one and that does worry me. A lot. Anyway, your suggestions will be much appreciated regards elements of style, composition, character development, coherence, or which bridge I should go jump off.

I have posted the first part of the first chapter of The Horror Fix in the Novel I, or …

http://www.writewords.org.uk/archive/6909.asp

Cheers
Ian

Ah! I'm confused! There are two of them!

I stuck a comment in there, thinking I was the first, then noticed Nell make a comment with your name on it. I looked in there - and I thought mine was gone!

Then I realised there are two in your profile! Are they both the same? Did I comment on the current one?

All the best,

Ben

Sorry about this Ben. It is just as I recieved only one comment in two when I posted it on the Fiction II group, I reposted the same work on the Novel I group. I guess the one to read is the one posted on the 20/10, the most recent.

I will respond to your comments after reading them again. Thinking about wether or not to scrap the text message.

Cheers
Ian

<Added>

that is meant to be 'one comment in tow days'

<Added>

two days - think I need a rest

Ben,

Just finished updating due to your suggestions.

The text message was distracting and off the point, so I binned it. A couple of people have made the comment is confused the issue a bit, and I added the translation because people complained they did not understand it.

I like you use of the word freaks, in fact I may appropriate it for these characters, and have added a comment by Sean to this effect.

All the Shauns are now Sean.

In the future, all the freaks got freaky in very ugly ways, and Sean and Irfan still have important roles to play.

Thank you for all of this and cheers again
Ian