Yesterday, I put oop a piece called 'The Aylum & The Sundowner Captain'. I just thought I'd say. It started as an RLG, curtesy of Tinyclanger, and I'm ridiculously pleased with it. I was just wondering, and this is a terrible thing to ask, if anyone whose read it could tell me what they think it's about? Partly because I'm not that sure myself, and partly because I was wondering if any of the plot elements that I actually intended were understandable.
For instance: Who is Mr. Ribald? (I don't know that one), is he real? (don't know that one either), what is it with the narrator ?(fairly sure of this one) and so on... I don't know if it's arrogant to promote such discussion, but i'd really like to know if it's accesible at all beyond being just wierd!

Not arrogant at all, James. It’s an interesting idea.

I went through a whole load of scenarios while I was reading it but the strongest one, the one that stayed with me afterwards, was that your character was mentally ill. He’s in hospital and hallucinating. Mr Ribald is a battered and threadbare teddy and the guy is transferring his own feelings and fears onto it.

Either that or it’s a crude homemade ventriloquists dummy (the stitches and indeterminate features) which is talking to your man in his head. I can see it sitting in the moonlight, on the end of the bed, winding him up…

Does this help?

Dee

Hi James,
I read yesterday and promised to be back when my power of speech returned....my first impression was that it's a piece you are right to be proud of, but I know that doesn't help in the way of detailed feedback. I'll pop back tomorrow and try to provide more. Promise.
To echo Dee, I too thought he must be mentaly ill, but then I wondered if I was missing something...Speak to you later.
x
tc

Hi Okk
It's definitely a valid exercise to discuss what a piece is about. I often find I don't really know what something's about when I first write it, and I mean that on two levels: first, what is the story about on a surface level (i.e. is he mentally ill or abducted by aliens) and second, what does it say about the way I feel about my life and the world. Whenever somehting jsut 'comes', I can treat it like a dream reflecting my unconscious. (By this, I most emphatically do NOT mean that if a character in the story is mentally ill, then I also am.)
With this story, because it is surreal, the obvious response is to rationalise it and say the MC must be mentally ill, and I did think that, but you could also just allow it to be surreal, like a surreal painting, and to speak irrationally about your view of the world. Having read some of your poetry, I can see you have a sharp moral perception of the way the world functions. So, to me, this would suggest that your story is a reflection of the irrationality of authortiy and power.
Whaddya think?
Sharon

<Added>

And can anyone tell me who swapped my fingers round so I can't type straight anymore? Come on, own up.

Thanks everyone... I'm still not sure about this...and think it may be several things at once... I did a lot of the thinking about it when I had finished it, if you know what I mean- I had to work out what I seemed to have spewed. As I wrote, I entertained that thought that it was merely 'wierd fiction', and to an extent, I think this: The narrator is the Man in the Moon. That's it. The kiddies don't think about him any more, don't look at things with wonder because (and here I stumble for wont of a non-clichè)...they watch too much violence on the T.V. and stuff... so, just as he was considering packing in, Mr. Ribald arrived, with the intention of keeping him there, prisoner, until things righted themselves, but offering no solution. It was Mr. Ribald that entered his room every night through the cieling, kept him too afraid to leave. In this scenario, I don't know who Mr. Ribald is- an alien, an employee, a sadistic free agent or the kingpin- he's just there, a force of malice. I enjoyed this interpretation, because of the palbable menace, and I was interested to explore the nursery-rhyme-held-prisoner thoughts (I deliberately began the piece with a 'Little Prince' style interchange- the naïve questions about the moon, for instance), so I think the piece works as just a bizzarre story.
It's a man battling with his imagination, having difficulty distinguishing between the real and the ethereal, and finding control when others try to take advantage of him (like Ms.Eyeball said- the role of authority). Maybe he's an asylum inmate (hence the title), but really he could be anywhere alone and trapped, perhaps by his own choice. Down this more metaphorical line of thought, there are plenty of things I still need to iron out. It doesn't appear as if the narrator is entirely with it (though yes, it would be very easy just to say he's insane and explain it all away- I think the scary part is that he might be completely sane), I think the onus of the story rests on whether Mr. Ribald is real or not, and that is for the reader to decide, and for me to decide differently every time I look at it! As Eyeball said, I don't think it can be rationalised...
None of what I just wrote was thought about. It might just make sense. Possibly.
The pronoun 'I' was used a lot there. I am a rather self-preoccupied fellow.
Thanks for your thoughts!
Bye!

James

Ah, with that nusery rhyme interpretation, Okk, the old teddy bear-like qualities of Ribald might suggest he's representative of some kind of authoritative force which maintains the division between adults and children. Some say that childhood as we know it is a Victorian invention. Or he could be representative of the 'threadbareness'of childhood now?
Great discussion!
Sharon

I don't think that with any piece we should set out on a search for its definitive meaning. In may be hackneyed and a bit of a cliche, but it means what you want it to mean.

We all read things differently, come from different backgrounds, and our personal histories are going to put a slant or skew on anything we read.

I'm not saying don't discuss the possibilities of various interpretations of the piece, but don't fall into the trap of believing there is only one meaning - and that's that!

It reminds me of those poetry lessons at school where we would have to read some inaccessible piece and then Mr Grumpy out the front would say, 'Okay, but what did he really mean? What's he really talking about?' as if he knew.

I felt like saying, if he's so clever with words why doesn't he just tell us what he means! Okay, I can see the naivety of my argument now, but I still believe that one person can't tell another person what the piece means.

And what about just enjoying the writing for what it is, without having to burrow too deeply under its skin?

I'll stop now. Probably ruffled too many feathers and shouted to loudly. I'll get down of my box!

John

Gee, sorry Mr. Jumbo! I thought an element of the site was discussion... :P Besides, I don't want to wait till I'm dead for people to discuss my work, I want to know what they thinhk it means now! I try to write with a message in mind... I'd rather not find out that no one gets it when I'm sitting on a cloud! 'Cos I'll be dead y'see. Bit late for explanations.

You see, Okk, I knew that would happen! Don't apologise - there's absolutely no need for that. I was just making the point - very badly, obviously - that I don't like to be told what a piece means.

Discussion is great -it's what WW thrives on - and if, as an author you're checking whether your message got through, I have no problem with that. I have no problem with very much, actually - apart from people who tell me what to think and what to read into other people's work.

You said in your opening post that even you couldn't explain some elements of the piece of 'The Aylum & The Sundowner Captain'. Mr Ribald and the narrator, for example.

Do those unanswered questions about who they are have to be answered? Why not leave them to the reader? You've done your bit. If it didn't mean too much at the time, why the concern over how someone else might interpret them?

Just let your public enjoy your clever and innovative piece of writing for what it is - whatever that happens to be!

All the best

John

No feathers ruffled here, Jumbo, but I do like to participate in a discussion about the meaning of a piece of work. It's nice, if the author is amenable, to talk about what the different potential meanings are, and what it means to different readers.I agree, though, that no definitive meaning is necessary or possible.
Sharon

Had a thought about this while reading william Gibson's Pattern Recognition, which, to me, is full of carefully designed meaning. How do you put your meaning into your writing? Do you just write the story and let the meaning develop by itself, or can you really decide to say what you want to say(assuming you know what that is. I often don't, quite.) and weave it into the action?
Anyone have any thoughts on that?
Sorry if that sounds wafty. It is early
Sharon