http://www.writewords.org.uk/archive/4827.asp

Okay, this is the two page summary of the first episode of my sitcom, Cruddle & Kowalski, that I plan to enter in the BBC Talent thingy.

I found it rather tricky to summarise all that occurs in that first episode (that isn't actually written yet) in just two pages. How does this read? Does it have the right kind of feel to it? Can you follow the story of the episode? Does enough happen? Are there any glaring logical errors? I mean, it's not meant to make perfect sense, these guys are the 'Bizarre Crime Squad' after all, but there shouldn't be any gaps in the plot, any reasons why Cruddle would come to any conclusion that he reaches etc.

Also, any obvious police type errors I might not see, not knowing much about that kind of thing!

Cheers for any guidance you can offer, or any advice whatsoever.

Any more takers?

Another question if you choose to have a look.

Does the Bonzo the clown section add anything? I like the idea of a strange continuing thread throughout the series, with this same charatcer reappearing in disguise again each week - but for the purpose of a stand alone episode, does it get in the way?

Haven't got time now, Ben but I'll have a look. When's the deadline?

My comment is up there. Are you going to post the full script here when you finish it? I remember reading the first, short draft a few months ago. Great idea.

Colin M

I've cut the original draft by half now, cut out all of the specifics of solving the crime and tried to concentrate only on what pushes the story along, or has comic potential.

I'm glad of any comments, good or bad.

Thanks in advance.

All the best,

Ben

Hi Ben, I had a read and it looks good, afraid I'm not qualified to say whether it's 'right' or not. Anyway, good luck!
Elspeth

Thanks Elspeth. Deadline is the 31st May, but that's a Bank Holiday, so I assume it has to be there for the 29th.

I'm taking no risks, and am posting it after work tonight. I can always submit it again with a little more work done to it outside of the competition if they don't like it as it is.