I have just uploaded my first draft and it took me ages to press that 'submit'button, so please, please, take a look and say exactly what you think.

I am a total beginner and I need help, especially on the 'Newspaper cutting' which is within the story. It's vital to the story, but if there is another way i can tell the reader what has happened without going on at length then please explain it to me. It seems too 'mature' (and long winded)for a childrens book and I dont know how to correct it.

This is not to say that I do not want you to comment on the rest of the story. GO ON I CAN TAKE IT however grim, I will not be able to improve my writing, if no-one explains where i am going wrong etc.

Please make my day and comment, grim as it may be, I desparately want to find out how to improve my work, or if I am barking up the wrong tree altogether!!!

Thanks
XXXInniXXX