I’ve just uploaded C11 of Paying For The Gallery. I’m really struggling with this chapter. I’ve re-written it about a squillion times but it just won’t come right.

Any help would be appreciated more than ever on this one. Sorry it’s a bit long.

Can I say that the feedback I’ve had on this novel has been invaluable. I’ve said that in the comments section but I really do mean it. I’ve tried to reply to all the comments but, if I’ve missed any, I apologise. I’ve taken note of them all and used most of them even where I haven’t edited the version in the archive. I can’t thank you enough.

But, hell, this next one’s a challenge!

Dee

Dee,

Breathe! Relax.

I'd love to offer some help but I have to admit that I'm not familiar with the text at all.

What's the specific problem?

Geoff

Hi Dee,

After a few problems I am able to do work on the site.

I will print your chapter and get back to you. It might be a bit diffcult, not have and idea of what the story is about but I will do my best. It may take a day or two and will be detailed.

See Ya

Tez

<Added>

sorry about the spelling I wish there was a spel checker on here.

I type too fast and then miss the spelling. I think they call it old age!!!

Tez

Geoff,

Thing is, I can’t identify the problem because I’ve chewed around with it so much I’m flummoxed. I was very worried that it was a bit cheesy. However, I’ve just read a couple of comments from Nahed and Ani. They have been following the story from the beginning and they both like this chapter so maybe it’s just as Ani said – I’m too close to it.

Tez, glad you’ve sorted your problems.

As you’re an experienced critter I’d be very interested to see what you think about my work. However, it is a long chapter and it’s about a third of the way into the novel so it might not be easy for you to pick up on the plot. So here’s a little background:-

The novel is set in Stanegarth, a Yorkshire Dales village, in the summer of 2001 when the foot-and-mouth outbreak was, among other things, destroying the rural tourist industry. This chapter takes place in the village hotel, The Stanegarth Arms, run by Emma and Tom Bonner (manager and chef respectively). Philly Black is a watercolour artist with her own gallery in a converted barn in the village. She is struggling to save the gallery from bankruptcy. Lewis Harland is a property developer who is buying up property while the tourist economy is depressed. He has just bought the hotel and spends almost every weekend there. He’s never explained why he does this but we could hazard a guess it’s because he’s got the hots for Philly. The feeling is mutual but, in the last chapter, Philly discovered the existence of a Mrs Harland…

So there you have it, Tez. I’ll look forward to hearing your views – but don’t let it become a chore – I’ll understand if it’s not your thing. Feel free to not comment if you change your mind.

Thank you both,

Dee.
xx

ps Tez, it's not old age - it's enthusiasm. Brain working faster than fingers. I usually compose everything on a Word document and then cut and paste onto here. Saves a lot of hassle.

Hi Dee,

Being a Yorkshireman I can't wait to get at it. But have I the right chapter? It starts:-

Since the weekend when Lewis had arrived to celebrate buying the hotel and Emma had booked him into the best suite, he had asked her to keep it free for him at all times and from then on he had treated the hotel as a second base.

Is this the right chapter?

regards
Tez

No, Tez – that’s chapter 10. The one I’m worried about is chapter 11 which begins:

Those three words hit Philly’s panic button.


Dee.

Dee,

How many words does PFTG run to in total so far?

Geoff

Good question, Geoff. It currently stands at 102,800. So far I’ve uploaded about 40,000 so it’s nearer half-way than a third.

Why do you ask?

Dee.

Jeesus!

That's a lot of words!

Just had this idea going round my head of swapping scripts with folks to get a more in depth feel for the whole. Often I feel that it's useful to get the bigger picture before commenting on something. Woods for the trees and all that.

Geoff

Dare I ask what size yours is???

I understand what you mean, Geoff, but I don’t think I could do that. I think it’s more manageable to deal with a chapter at a time. And, please, please don’t take this personally, but I’m a bit precious about handing over the full ms to anyone. I’m taking a big leap of faith by uploading it at all but the benefits from the feedback are worth the silly angst.

Dee.

Don't worry Dee if I'd have suggested reading your whole script I'd have sent you a WW mail. No, it was just an idea banging in this big head of mine. I was just throwing it out there to see what other people thought.

I'd be a little apprehensive sending all I had but I think I do need someone impartial to have a look through it on the whole (or what I have so far).

I had a similar idea about all chatting on messenger but that seems to have gone down like a lead balloon filled with tungsten.

Geoff

Dee

Another chapter!! Slow down, woman! I can't up!

John xx (off to read it!)

Sorry Dee but i can't find it at all. I am not a member of Introduce your work forum and i wonder if that is it.

I can see all the comment in there but not the story C11

Can you help? Sorry if I seem a bit dim

Tez

Tez

Try this link

http://www.writewords.org.uk/archive/3950.asp

John

Hi Dee,

OK I have it. Thanks I will get on to it tomorrow

BFN

Tez