Hi,
I've recently uploaded a piece called:

'Not Lost, Not Found.' (Ch 1)

It's the provisional title of novel I'm currently trying to work on.

I want this piece to be the opening chapter of a big idea I've been trying to develop for a while. I do have faith in my big idea and want to present it in the best way possible.

To this end I would like the first chapter closely examined.

If there is a weakness or weaknesses, I want them pointed out. Even if you think it's awful, but can advice on how to improve it, I would be grateful.

The chapter is to be found in Fiction III. There are about 2800 words to it.

Thank you.

Darryl