Login   Sign Up 

Random Read

  • American Looking for Favor
    by Keats at 03:41 on 01 April 2016
    Hello. First let me say, I'm happy to do a similar favor if anyone needs it. I also don't want to ask, until I ask if it's okay to ask.

    I just finished a screenplay (romcom) with three British characters. It is very intimidatig to me to try and write dialogue that would sound authentically British to  - well - you guys. I know British writers create American characters all the time, but usually there is some simple thing that, no matter how great the actor's accent is, gives them away. "Apartment block" for example. So simple. We'd never say that.

    I was hoping if I pull out the three characters' dialogue, if anyone here would look at it and just tell me what's laughably wrong and maybe suggest better phraseology.  I can't say I know where the three voices come from.  You guys are writers, you know how sometimes you just hear them in your head. 

    If it's okay to do this here - and people would say if they'd be willing and the best way to post - a link to a PDF on Google docs? - I'd be grateful.

    I've been a cop in America and lived a lot of places.  If anyone has anything I can be useful for - please don't hesitate to ask.

    Thanks - Keats

  • Re: American Looking for Favor
    by funnyvalentine at 11:43 on 02 April 2016
    Hi Keats, I can probaby help with this.  If you WW mail me, I can send you my email.  :)
  • Re: American Looking for Favor
    by Keats at 14:16 on 02 April 2016
    Thanks so much!
  • Re: American Looking for Favor
    by Freebird at 17:57 on 05 April 2016
    I don't mind having a look. I write for the Korean educational market and they always want Americanisms (e.g flashlight instead of torch, sidewalk instead of pavement) so I know it can be a bother.
  • Re: American Looking for Favor
    by Freebird at 17:58 on 05 April 2016
    P.S love your profile pic - I watched 'Close Encounters' with my kids the other night and they thought it was a bit dull. I still think it's amazing
  • Re: American Looking for Favor
    by Keats at 05:43 on 06 April 2016
    I've been there. It's far more amazing in person than the movie. One of those places that makes you think of the word :"sacred."
  • Re: American Looking for Favor
    by Keats at 06:22 on 06 April 2016
    What's more confusing is sometimes we do use "pavement."  But all bonnets go on heads and we don't post we mail. Would appreciate a look. FunnyValentine kindly read it for me, but I'd appreciate another run-through.  And I'm always happy to be of service if anyone reads for me or not.  Plenty of people online have been so generous with their time for me.

    I made a file with the British characters dialogue pulled out and brief explanations.  I'll copy-paste it in your mailbox, if that's okay. Any thoughts you have are welcome, of course.
  • Re: American Looking for Favor
    by janifar47 at 08:28 on 06 April 2016

    Edited by janifar47 at 08:30:00 on 06 April 2016
  • Re: American Looking for Favor
    by Mickey at 20:30 on 23 September 2016
    Hi Keats
    This is of no help whatsoever but your post reminded me of this piece that I wrote several years ago!

    Ordering a Round of Drinks
    in a South London Pub
    "A’wight, John? Wotch‘avin?"
    "Nah - ‘smy rahnd, ta mate, cheers.
    Two pyntsa Best please dahlin’
    (wouldn’tcha like one a them rahnd each ear?!)"
    "Nice one, luv - wotsa damage?…
    git one yerself aht the change,
    an giz two bagsalt ‘n vinegar.
    Wotzat? - ‘Plain’ fer you, Dave?"


    Line 1 (David to John)
    "Hello John - How are you? What can I buy you to drink?"

    Line 2 (John to David)
    "No - it is my round, but thank you my friend - Your very good health"

    Line 3 (John to Barmaid)
    "Two pints of your very best bitter ale my Dear"

    Line 4 (John in a jocular aside to David)
    "Goodness me, John - How would you fancy nuzzling her cleavage?"

    Line 5 (John to the returning Barmaid)
    "Thank you my Dear. How much do I owe you for my purchase?"

    Line 6 (John as a generous afterthought to the Barmaid)
    "Please retain as much of my change as is necessary to buy yourself a beverage as well"

    Line 7 (John to the Barmaid again)
    "Oh yes, and could I also have two bags of Salt and Vinegar flavoured crisps?" (Additional translation for American readers - ‘crisps’ = ‘chips’)

    Line 8 (John to David who has interjected at this point)
    "One moment - Are you saying that you would prefer a packet of Plain, unflavoured crisps, David?"

    Good luck with your screenplay me old mate

    Edited by Mickey at 20:55:00 on 23 September 2016

    Edited by Mickey at 20:56:00 on 23 September 2016