Hello WW members,

I've been around a few days giving cheek here and there and only just realised now that I haven't formally announced my newbieship. It hasn't been a smooth transition from John Doe to WW Part Member (I can't say which part but all will no doubt become obvious in the end). On registering, I spelt my call sign name wrong and didn't notice until I'd posted and it was too late to change 'Dilapitus' to 'Delapidus'. 'Dilap' sounds like some sort of medieval form of broadband, whereas 'Delapid' sets the proper town of neglect, dereliction and spentness fitting to the character in question.

I practise a creative liberal profession but I've always liked using words, especially those short ones that most people have trouble with on formal occasions. People have remarked that I've got a way with them, and I have thus far with only the odd fist fight at the odd wedding when the father of the bride took umbrage at some throw-away line I used about his daughter's precocious sexual proactivity. The groom didn't look all that pleased either. Then once at a funeral, the family of the deceased got upset when I . . . it may be a bit too soon to tell all this stuff because of the alienation factor. I'll post the full disgraceful story if I can avoid expulsion over the trial period here at WW.

My tastes in genre were traditionally Catholic, but since that altar boy scandal and the excommunication letter, I've had to specialise somewhat. I write essays (non-fiction), novels (fiction), novels (historical part-fiction), pomes (a simpleton's form of poetry), and humorous short stories (nonsense, with some drivel where needed). I range from deadly serious in my essays to certifiable with my yarns for laughs. I believe God created extremes for our entertainment, and I think it's a bloody shame most people avoid them like the plague. It's like a musician announcing into the mic before a recital which range of the staff he plays in: no notes above Ab and none below C# - I mean, get bloody real.

So there you have the bones of it. I need to hone my skills here. There are some trivial blogs about on the web where people are busting their gut trying to be polite to each other while avoiding the 'c**p' word. Most writing is bad. Most of everything is bad. G.K.Chesterton put his finger on the maxim most people follow religiously: 'If something is worth doing, it's worth doing badly.' That's a fact of life. The top five percent of writing gets published. Inclusion in that select band is what most of us are aiming at here. It's the hardest job in the world, and the worst remunerated. It also happens to be very satisfying and worth all the tears if you can stay the course, as I intend to.

Next week, the topic will be on the Last Supper. Did the lads discuss the likely chances of a comeback, or was it a cut and run job?