They say pride comes before a fall, and that's so right with me.

Today I am feeling like I must be the worst would-be writer out there. I'm probably midway through the third draft of my story and I feel like it's all coming crashing down around my ears. I've been so positive up until now that everything was right but today I've realised that I have a huge hole in the middle of my story and that sinking feeling has returned.

Am I flogging a dead horse? Am I just incapable of writing a novel? Am I kidding myself? I feel today like the answer is yes to each of those questions.

I feel like an idiot because I have been on such a high with my writing lately and so proud with all the support and interest I've been getting I feel like I'm letting everyone down. Now though I think people are fed up of hearing about what I am doing and want to see results.

I've gone back to the drawing board with it, and now feel like I'm looking up a very steep mountain once again. And quite simply I'm asking myself if I can be bothered to start climbing again or should I just give up. Each draft I have written from scratch.

The trouble is I really want to be a writer. It's something I feel I'm good at. But after all this time and effort with almost zero to show for it I have to ask, what is the point.

I could be wallowing in grief and yes, feeling sorry for myself but I don't think so. I really am wondering if I should throw in the towel and give it all up. Maybe I'm just destined enjoy other people's stories rather than write my own.

*sigh*

There is such a thing as dogged determination, but when is it time just to say enough is enough. That feels like now for me.

I doubt very much if it's flogging a dead horse, but it may well be flogging a nearly-dead writer.

It sounds as if you need some time away from it, even if you are only half-way through. If your new drafts are truly new, and not re-workings of existing text, then effectively you've written three novels, and deserve a rest. You're not well-placed to see it straight.

When you've left it in a drawer for a nice long time - and maybe done some bits and pieces of writing which have less riding on it that this, or maybe done no writing at all - you'll be able to come back to it, and read it as a stranger would, and know what you've got and what you should do about it:

finish this and send it out,

finish it and get an editorial report or some other feedback,

give up on it (for now) and write something completely new and different, which will give you a chance to use everything you've learnt about writing in a different context. One problem with novels is that you have to buy into a whole set of givens - characters, plot, ideas - right at the beginning. You can always re-work and revise, but there are always things you can't do within one novel, but need a different starting point.

Good luck!

Emma

Melsheff,

An objective opinion on your post is: you deserve a massive pat on the back not a whip. Not only have you done two and a half drafts of a book (most people give up quarter of the way into the first), you've also spotted the hole in the plot or structure. I'd take a break from writing but maybe go back to note taking, mind mapping, structural spreadsheeting, or whatever it is that might fix the hole. And to get some fun into it, add something new to the mix, something fitting but wild. If you see the hole you can mend or bridge it. You sound like a writer to me.

Hi Melsheff -
You sound like a writer to me too! All writers have terrible bouts of self-doubt, or doubts about whether what they're writing has any value at all. You do need to stop flogging yourself, if you can help it! Take a break from the actual task of writing, read a lot of your favourite authors for inspiration (or even a witty 'How To Write' book can be helpful - it reminds you that your struggles are quite usual, and might address your issues!) And gently mull over the problem you mentioned of the 'huge hole' in the middle of your book, just in your head. Eventually you'll find your way of sorting it out. I had months during the writing of one book when I knew there was something wrong and couldn't put my finger on it. The answer came to me out of the blue in the middle of the night, when I had something far more serious to worry about! I don't think hacking away when you're not in the right frame of mind is much use, although you do have to try to help yourself get in the right frame of mind to work through it. And being kind to yourself is the best way of doing that!
(Wish I'd take this advice myself sometimes!)
Good luck with it!
Jx