As part of my novel, the main character is comparing his own novel (which has not sold at all) with 'the worst book ever written.'

Does anyone have any ideas on which book might be described as 'the worst book ever written'? It must be a book that is relatively well-known (not some obscure locally published work).

I was thinking of Ayn Rand's "The Fountainhead" - but, while the Fountainhead is total melodramatic trash with an insidious philosophical message, it has been tremendously popular and is seen by many as a classic.

Anyone got any better ideas?

If you want to use a real book, then if it really is the worst book ever written (in every respect) no-one will have ever heard of it. Well, if it was the worst ever written it wouldn't be published, but I guess you mean the worst ever published?

You could make one up.

Deb

Good point! It might be funnier if I just made something up anyway. How about this:

'I suspect it may be the dullest book ever written, apart from "The Growth of Grass - A Treatise."'

"The Growth of Grass - A Treatise."'

That made me laugh. But I could also imagine, surrealy, such a book being hailed by some critics as a masterpiece of irony.

Oh. And I agree with you on the Fountainhead.


Juliet

Mitten, if it doesn't have to be a fiction book you could search for really dull-sounding titles on Amazon...?

Deb

Thanks for the comments. I think I'll go with "The Growth of Grass - A Treatise", possibly adding "Vol. 1" for added absurdity.

Please do!!

You can't get much 'worse' than Tristram Shandy.


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Oh, unless of course it's Ulysses by James Joyce.

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Or, the one that started "It was a dark and story night" - Yes it does exist, although the title escapes me. You'll have to Google it.

Have to disagree with you on both of those, Naomi.

The worst book I've ever read was by Barbara Cartland. I can't remember the title, but I don't think it matters. They're all appallingly bad.

Emma

just remember that everyone will have a different idea of the worst book ever published...you're probably better writing something yourself and quoting horrible passages of gunk.

irene

I know it's poetry, but William McGonagall's famous for being rubbish.

Possible titles: The redeemable qualities of Angelina Jolie: How I do not bewitch people, bearing in mind that I am not quite sane, but who cares anyway for I am a master beekeeper with a few great stories to tell on how the hive queen spends her afternoons with a termite drone that works part time in the colony down the road. Latin Theatrical Chamber Spring Version (to be read only during Congressional Speeches on the Colour Shades of Aqueduct Walls)

This discussion has inspired a little poem. It is predominantly based on the first two posts. Here's to making things up, for better or for worse, which is what I, too, suggest you do.

The Worst Book Ever Written

Please tell me what the worst book ever written was;
I want to mention it in my new novel

Well, the worst book ever written
Has probably never been heard of
By none other than its writer and a poor unfortunate friend
Who just had to read it to the end
So as to retain the only friendship
That had been left intact throughout the years

And if I were that poor unfortunate soul myself,
I would not think it the worst book ever written,
For I would be happy to have been considered
By my uninspired friend,
So I would not be able to answer your question

The worst book ever written will probably not be remembered
By anyone who has read it,
Just as we don’t remember the worst experience we’ve tasted,
For it is too bad a memory to keep in salient preserve

In fact, the worst book ever written
Has surely never been published
And probably never been finished by anyone other than its writer

So does that answer your question?

No, not really, no, for you are speaking of the worst book ever read
And not the worst book ever written

Then make one up, my inquisitive friend,
For an imaginary title will be as close as you can get
To the worst book ever written but never really read

Thanks for the tips. I looked up McGonogall and I have to agree - his stuff is so bad it's hilarious. I fact, I might use snippets of his "Jottings on New York", particularly the final stanza:

And with regard to New York and the sights I did see--
Believe me, I never saw such sights in Dundee;
And the morning I sailed from the city of New York
My heart it felt as light as a cork.

Thanks for the try Victor (probably best if you stick to the Elvish poetry).

Klingon. Thank you.

Are you all forgetting "Fly Fishing" by J R Hartley?