When I was about 12-14 years of age, my mother told me I was a twin but that my twin was stillborn. I asked questions: were they a boy or a girl? Was there a burial? But my mother shut down. Refused to discuss it any more and said “it’s all in the past now”. So I was left wondering and carried on with my schooling, my friendships, my teenage angsts, my life.
When I was in my early 30s I started researching family trees for friends and family. After an exhaustive search and some phone calls I was still completely in the dark about my “twin”. I found no death certificate. I found no trace anywhere. Again, my mother said “it’s all in the past, forget about it”.
A couple of years before my father passed away in 2007, I was in my mid 30s and I asked him. My father shook his head and said he didn’t know anything about it. I was confused. Again, my father also shut down and said “just forget about it”.
So, I continued my life, talking to my reflection as I did constantly growing up and believing I was talking to my deceased twin who I could have loved, who I could have supported and shared great times with. I always felt like there was a missing piece.
Now fast forward to 2018.
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