James in Northumberland part 3

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Reading at Gyroscope Review

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James Graham has been visiting me in Northumberland. In my BLOG you can see all the posts related to that visit and hear James read from his books.

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I won a best of the month MOON award from Beate Siddrigdaughter in Writing in a Woman's Voice. Delighted :) The story was Song of Everything
which began right here.

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When I was about 12-14 years of age, my mother told me I was a twin but that my twin was stillborn. I asked questions: were they a boy or a girl? Was there a burial? But my mother shut down. Refused to discuss it any more and said “it’s all in the past now”. So I was left wondering and carried on with my schooling, my friendships, my teenage angsts, my life.

When I was in my early 30s I started researching family trees for friends and family. After an exhaustive search and some phone calls I was still completely in the dark about my “twin”. I found no death certificate. I found no trace anywhere. Again, my mother said “it’s all in the past, forget about it”.

A couple of years before my father passed away in 2007, I was in my mid 30s and I asked him. My father shook his head and said he didn’t know anything about it. I was confused. Again, my father also shut down and said “just forget about it”.

So, I continued my life, talking to my reflection as I did constantly growing up and believing I was talking to my deceased twin who I could have loved, who I could have supported and shared great times with. I always felt like there was a missing piece.

Now fast forward to 2018.

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So. Dating. Specifically online dating. Yeh I can hear you slapping your hand against your forehead and screaming “NO! NO! & IN EVERY WAY NO AND THRICE NO!!” But I just want to say that it serves a purpose. It does. It's not for everyone though as you'll soon discover....
Look, you go to a bar, as I have done many times before and you meet a guy. That is your first meeting right? within 2, 3, 4 hours you perhaps swap numbers with him and agree to see him again. You’ve met him likely under the influence of several G&Ts. You’ve met him perhaps with hip-replacement-needing dance music bleeding your ears and your friends and his friends are dragging you both away for more drinks or whatever. He seems like a nice guy. He could also be a serial killer though or with a penchant for ballbag pierceings. And he could still live with his mother.

Online dating. You chat. Alot. For hours. Days? Weeks? before you meet. You can chat at length about everything and really get to know him. Also, more importantly, have you thought about this? you can google the shit out of him! instagram him. Linkedin him. 192.com him. Do a really thorough investigation on him online. I do it all the time because I want to be safe and know what I’m getting myself into. Especially because I have a son too.


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40 Years since I left home.

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I just found out today that I'd begun my own web page over a year ago but, like many things with galloping senility, I'd forgotten to do anything on the blinking thing. I've now done some work on it and Voila!

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Here is a poem that will lift your spirits...listen to Lucille read it and celebrate with her.

won’t you celebrate with me
Lucille Clifton, 1936 - 2010

won’t you celebrate with me
what i have shaped into
a kind of life? i had no model.
born in babylon
both nonwhite and woman
what did i see to be except myself?
i made it up
here on this bridge between
starshine and clay,
my one hand holding tight
my other hand; come celebrate
with me that everyday
something has tried to kill me
and has failed.

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