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I Wish

by Apollo500 

Posted: 24 May 2005
Word Count: 125


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I wish-
I wish this would have worked out.
I wish you could still light up my day with a smile.
I wish you were still there with open arms.
I wish I could still look forward to your calls.
I wish you would pull me back to you.
I wish we could still go out and play at the park.
I wish it didn't have to be like this.
I wish I could still run my fingers through your hair.
I wish "What's up?" still meant "Can I come over?"
I wish I could still look forward to the future.
I wish you were still my best friend.
I wish I didn't miss you so much.
I wish that things were different.
I wish...






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Comments by other Members



Ticonderoga at 13:45 on 24 May 2005  Report this post
Sad, painful and beautiful. We all know how this feels, but, you've captured the moment in a very special way.

Best,

Mike

Felmagre at 15:18 on 24 May 2005  Report this post
Poetry is at its best when written from the perspective of experience and or emotion, you have captured this.

joanie at 15:23 on 24 May 2005  Report this post
Hi Apollo. This is simple and poignant. There are some lovely lines.

joanie

Beanie Baby at 22:14 on 27 May 2005  Report this post
Hi Apollo and welcome aboard. I'm Beanie Baby - group host for Poetry IV and the Haiku /Short Poetry group.

This is beautifully written and beats like a heart if read aloud. You have really caught the emotion that a parting can bring. I maybe feel it would come over better if you just kept "I wish" in the opening and closing lines:

I wish ...
this would have worked out,
you could still light up my day with a smile,
you were still there with open arms,
I could still look forward to your calls,
you would pull me back to you,
we could still go out and play at the park,
it didn't have to be like this,
I could still run my fingers through your hair,
(that)"What's up?" still meant "Can I come over?"
I could still look forward to the future,
you were still my best friend,
I didn't miss you so much,
that things were different.
I wish...


Do you see what I mean? It cuts straight to the chase and adds a new dimension to it. Now don't get me wrong - this is not meant as criticism. I still think it is a beautiful piece.It well conveys the pain of separation that you have caught so completely.

Thank you for sharing.
Beanie




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