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Budding need
Posted: 23 May 2005
Word Count: 59
Summary: My response to the exercise in Poetry Seminar. I used a few pages from Virginia Woolf's 'To the Lighthouse' and Colette's 'le blé en herbe'.
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Stability a platform
wedge-shaped in the rashness,
l'écho d'un cri.
Storms raging outside
the core of darkness,
l'explosion des larmes.
People must have children
to wrap in a mantle of peace.
Une petite poire tombée.
Vocab: One can guess the meaning of most of the French words. des larmes - tears(noun), Une poire - a pear,
tombée - fallen.
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Comments by other Members
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 SmithBrowne at 03:21 on 24 May 2005
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Joanie -- I only know of Collette's reputation and read To the Light House years ago, but I feel you have culled and collated words into a spare but sensual poem that does justice to the source material while taking off on its own. I didn't know the French but the sounds and rhythm were more important to me than the exact denotation -- your choice of words that alliterate the s & sh soudns, plus plosive consonants that involve the lips ('explosion', 'peace', 'petite', and especially 'poire') all add to the sensuality.
Nicely done,
Smith
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Myrtle at 10:43 on 24 May 2005
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Joanie, I can only echo what Smith has said - spare and sensual are exactly the right words. I really like this, what a good idea to use French, it works so well with or without the exact translation.
I think this exercise has been such a good way of getting inspiration... even though I'm no poet it's wonderful to get the juices going, plus I enjoyed dipping into old favourites and stealing bits unashamedly!
Myrtle
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Felmagre at 15:24 on 24 May 2005
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Lokking at things from the perspective of a different language therefore culture is like throwing a light switch on in a 'dull' room. Illuminating different corners, creating a varity of shadows, shapes not seen before.
Strange, I would not have thought to use anything other than English, so again the group has been an eye opener. Thank you
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 joanie at 15:31 on 24 May 2005
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Smith, Myrtle, Felmagre, many thanks! Yes, it has been a good exercise; I'm looking forward to more examples!
joanie
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 Nell at 16:50 on 24 May 2005
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Hi joanie,
There's a beautifully haikuish feeling about these verses and the French seems to round off or sum up the lines in the first two stanzas leaving the last for the reader to wonder about. Choosing two quite different sources for the found lines/words seems to work really well. Did you read HollyB's haibun about lemons? I can almost see your poem treated in that way, with prose sections between the stanzas, although it's lovely as it is. Perhaps I'm just greedy for more!
Nell.
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joanie at 17:28 on 24 May 2005
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Thanks Nell. Yes, I loved HollyB's haibun and would love to try. I have attempted a few times but the prose doesn't flow properly. I think a haibun needs to be my next offering! Perhaps I'll play about with this one.
joanie
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