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Janus

by Milou 

Posted: 14 May 2005
Word Count: 384
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This piece and/or subsequent comments may contain strong language.


A house is only as secure as its door. Walking through a door is passing from security to fucking chaos. Critical. So doors have a god.

Janus.

Janus is two faced. Janus Patulcius opens the door. Janus Clusivius closes it. The good or evil that results depends on the favour of Janus.

Other gods serve Janus. Limentinus rules the threshold, Cardea the hinges and Forculus the leaf of the door.

It's no big deal to pray to the door gods. Touch the jamb as you leave, brush a finger quickly over the peeling paint, and pray.

Sometimes when I'm praying the chaos floods through the door and into my head. Then the prayer is no good. Go back and start fresh. Empty, wipe clean, start again. The chaos washes back and. Fuck. Back and start again. Empty, wipe clean, use the sky through the window like a cloth. Brush the paint, touch the jamb, pray. Step through the door. Fuck.

It can take a while. Doors stretch away in awful multiplicity like a hall of mirrors. They lead from and to, they are crossings and re-crossings. A house is only as secure as its door, but then there's the door to the shop where I buy my morning paper, the door to the train, the door to the office. Doors unfold like a concertina down the tunnel home. Pray and they may open to a good future. Let the chaos contaminate the prayer and Janus is deaf. Touch and pray. Think. Fuck. Go back and pray again. People stare at me in the street, stuck there like a scratched record trying to get through a door.

The hall of mirrors gets larger the closer you look. Janus is a tricky god and spreads his in-and-out influence wide. He is the god of demarcations and boundaries who keeps here from being there. He glues the world together like a broken vase. Between each door are more crossings, lines and fractures. The stair, the curb, the crack in the paving stone. Clear your mind, pray, think. Fuck. Step back. Step again.

The office is not a place I go now. Too many doors, and the stares you get fill your head with chaos. A house is only as secure as its door. Janus keeps mine closed.






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Comments by other Members



crowspark at 22:22 on 14 May 2005  Report this post
Powerful writing. The last paragraph is excellent.
The repetitions work well, giving me an image of your mc struggling to control reality.
Loved,
Doors stretch away in awful multiplicity like a hall of mirrors"
and
"He glues the world together like a broken vase. Between each door are more crossings, lines and fractures. The stair, the curb, the crack in the paving stone. Clear your mind, pray, think. Fuck. Step back. Step again."

I wasn't sure what the leaf of a door was.
This piece has great resonance for me.
Top flash.
Bill
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Anj at 22:28 on 14 May 2005  Report this post
Milou,

I always find your work intriguing, and this was no exception. I had to read it carefully to follow it, but I felt well rewarded for the effort.

I didn't like the "Critical" of the first line, to me it jarred, and broke the link between doors and Gods. I also thought the list of the other Gods confused, and wasn't necessary as they didn't reappear.

But I loved the way you used broken language to depict a broken mind. Often I find writing trying to convey mental disturbance too simplistic and obvious, but this wasn't, it was complex and subtle, and far more effective for it, harrowing and moving.

Andrea
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Jumbo at 23:39 on 14 May 2005  Report this post
Milou

Found this quite a disturbing read. It certainly captures the tortured mind of your character.

I thought at first we were in some ancient place until the phrase 'where I buy my morning paper' jarred me into the present.

I liked the line 'He is the god of demarcations and boundaries who keeps here from being there.' Clever.

Where does your knowledge of the Gods come from, may I ask?

Great flash,

All the best

jumbo
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Mazzy at 11:12 on 16 May 2005  Report this post
Em

This is an intriguing mix of factual information about mythology together with a really intense personal voice. I found the repetitions almost hypnotic, carrying me along without regard to the meaning.

I think there is a story here but it's spun out very thin. I found myself wanting to know more about how this particular god came to rule the narrator's life. Not sure whether you should be indulging such an interest though...

Mazzy
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bjlangley at 13:47 on 18 May 2005  Report this post
Hi Em, this is an effective piece of writing, captures what seems to have developed as an obsessive compulsive disorder with doors. It was scarily convincing.

God looks funny with a little g. god. Not sure if it's supposed to be capitalized in all cases though!

All the best,

Ben
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Milou at 14:22 on 23 May 2005  Report this post
Thanks for the comments everyone. Ben, the idea behind it was indeed someone with OCD, as OCD sufferers often seem to anthropomorphise the condition, visualizing it as a “character” which is controlling them. The specificity of Roman gods seemed to fit this.
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