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Silhouette of spring
Posted: 09 May 2005
Word Count: 47
Summary: Just looking out of the window......
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I stood speechless
at the sight of your freshness;
pale green untouched by summer's heat.
Your blossoms frail
yet strong against the rain
and gusts of spring breeze. But now
I look into the northern sky
and see your silhouette stark naked,
bold, defiant.
I simply stand.
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Comments by other Members
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 Elsie at 23:21 on 09 May 2005
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Hi Joanie, this has a lovely and fresh feeling in itself. I don't think you need the 3 last lines. maybe you could simply repeat the first line, or do a variation on it? Is it because if one is speechless, in awe of beauty, you don't even begin to try and then peter out. But ignore me if you want... it's just a personal feeling.
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 roovacrag at 07:48 on 10 May 2005
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Joan..two stanza and the last line finish it perfectly.
Use the third stanza for a new poem.
My mind working overtime on that one.
Look forward to it.
xx Alice
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paul53 [for I am he] at 12:56 on 10 May 2005
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Joanie,
This piece set me off on a long train of thought - maybe a sign I'm getting old.
I thought about just standing: against things that pushed past / tried to knock me down / washed over me / slunk away / cycled through the Seasons, etc.. Standing firmly throughout life and not seeing how the wind and dust and countless knocks eventually weather us beyond recognition of the small fresh child who started out long ago.
It must be National Deep-Thinking Day or something, but I kept returning to something I wrote years ago now:
forever shall the pillars stand;
old giants cease their motive clay
and turn to stone, as wind-borne sand
weathers their features, day by day |
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Probably nothing to do with the intentions of your piece, but a good illustration how poetry - even a small piece - can take or send the reader on an unexpected journey.
Many thanks,
Paul
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 joanie at 18:05 on 12 May 2005
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Alice and Paul, sorry for the delay - I've been away. Aice, I'll have to think about it!
Paul - interesting!
Thank you both for commenting.
joanie
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