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Where I Want To Be

by Boo 

Posted: 11 July 2003
Word Count: 84
Summary: Describe A fantasy bed in under 100 words.Mine came out more like a poem hope you enjoy it.I did not write it as a poem so forgive the stanzas etc..Just thought I'd try it like this.

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A canopy of stars induces me to gaze,
As white muslin billows in the gentle breeze
Fireflies dance illuminating life,
Dreams are sweet and life is full.

Cool,crisp cotton sheets smell of innocence,
How I love the warm woollen fleece
Inviting me to ponder,as I wonder
At the Glade in which I recline

A rhapsody in green with carpets of blue.
Bobbing heads swaying along a wave of truth.
The song of summer,so eloquent,confident and sure.
This is the place I want to be.

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Comments by other Members

Bee at 13:58 on 11 July 2003  Report this post
Lovely! I want to be there, makes me want to go shopping and spend all my pittance on such serene luxury!

LONGJON at 04:40 on 12 July 2003  Report this post
Remember Robert Browning, "Ah, but man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for."

I think you have portrayed his intention well.

Good Luck


Anna Reynolds at 22:52 on 15 July 2003  Report this post
Some lovely, expressive images and thoughts here- 'canopy of stars' and the 'bobbing heads'. I especially like the 'wave of truth'. I'd love to see this as a piece of prose though, because what I don't want you to do is to make a form- and poetry is a form, like it or not. I want you to concentrate on the exactness of those images and ideas, particularly important when it's fantasy and not rooted in childhood or adult memories. Try it without letting it become poetry- therefore not slipping into any rhythym or form other than the one that will naturally occur. For instance, I think that the line 'How I love the warm woollen fleece..' could be much more interesting if it was simply 'Cool, crisp cotton sheets. Warm woollen fleece.' because the contrast works very well and although it seems eccentric, we know exactly what you're saying- these are two different elements of the perfect bed or the perfect comfort, for different times or seasons or moods.

Boo at 13:13 on 17 July 2003  Report this post

This is the tweaked piece,the original was written as prose.
Thanks for the comments.
Anna could you post the next piece before the 19th as I'M on holiday for a week.
Thanks Boo.

A canopy of stars induce me to gaze as white muslin billows in the gentle breeze.
Fireflies dance illuminating life.Dreams are sweet and life is full.Four proud,solid watchmen protect all that lie here.
Cool,crisp white cotton smells of innocence.The warm woolen fleece that invites me to ponder.As I wonder in the glade in which I recline.
A rhapsody in green with carpets of blue.Bobbing heads swaying along a wave of truth.
The song of summer so eloquent and sure.
This is the place I want to be.

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