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Goodbye Mr Squeak

by Bav Dav 

Posted: 02 May 2005
Word Count: 325
Summary: Just working through an idea. Wondered if it made anyone laugh.

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Good morning Freddy, have you got the results of the rodent DNA from yesterdays tests?

Yes, they showed up positive

Excellent, looks like we’re really onto something here. OK, break out the mice we’ve got experimenting to do

Ummm, yeah, the mice. I think there’s something you need to see.

(They go into adjacent room)

Where are they all? There were 75 mice here yesterday.

They’re all over there, next to cage 13 where we got yesterdays test subject from.

What on earth are they doing?

Nothing, just milling around. They’ve been doing it since 6.30 this morning.

Milling around, mice don’t mill around!

Ours do. Remember, these are not normal mice; we’ve been working on these furry blighters for over 3 years. These are (beat) Smart Mice.

Nonsense, they just squeak and eat sunflower seeds like any other mice, and another thi…….is that music!?

Yes. I have no idea how they did it but they have somehow made a rudimentary piano, and the little fat one with the funny hair from cage 68 has been playing it non-stop. To be honest it’s getting on my tits.

This is just incredible, let me get closer and listen

(to the tune of Candle in the Wind) Goodbye Mr Squeak, though your fur was..quite patchy, you had quite an effect on us, with that extra ear on your back……

I don’t believe it, it’s mouse mass mourning. I’ve never seen anything like it. How on earth are we going to get them back in their cages.

I’ve already thought of that sir. I have a plan.

Great, what is it.

I’m going to bring forward the next series of “Squeak Idol.” That should have them glued to their little mouse screens (beat) well, that and the glue on their little mouse screens that is.


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Comments by other Members

bjlangley at 12:03 on 03 May 2005  Report this post
Hi Bav Dav, this made me chuckle. I particularly liked the mousey Elton John, complete with bad hair. What an image!

Getting the mice back in with 'Squeak Idol' works for me, and I found it a little ironic given that they were 'smart mice'.

By the way, are you the very same Bav Dav I spotted on the Shoot The Writers forum? If so, tough reak not discovering it until the deadline was up. :(

All the best,


Bav Dav at 10:39 on 04 May 2005  Report this post
Thanks bj,

Yes, I'm the same Bav Dav. I had actually spotted the Shoot the Writers gig but I got caught up in some personal melodrama and ended up missing it.


Boadecea at 23:11 on 05 May 2005  Report this post
Hi Bav Dav! I found your piece funny and amusing (Very British humour, which I love). For some reason and this might seem an odd thing to focus on, I thought the late mouse might have made a better impression with an extra mouth on its back. Ears on the back would have served the same purpose as the ones on the sides, but an extra mouth? Well he could be having two seperate conversations at the same time thereby having quite an 'effect' on the rest of the mice!

Sorry! really long day- therefore am beginning to think like a mouse, therefore ignore if it appears too trivial.

Would love to read the rest of the piece though!

Bav Dav at 17:19 on 07 May 2005  Report this post
Thanks Boadecea,

The extra ear refers to a mouse who's picture was in the news a few years ago. I was hoping that most people would remember it.

There isn't any more. It's just a short sketch I'm afraid. Any ideas on where I might take it would be gratefully recieved.


mabel at 11:34 on 09 June 2005  Report this post

Really liked this, made me laugh a lot too.

I remember the extra ear in the news but a mouth would be good too.

Loved the image of a singalong round the piano !

Have you looked at the BBC Writer's room for ideas on where to send it ?


billyarse at 18:31 on 01 July 2005  Report this post
Yes.....I like that kind of abstact stuff. Another possible ending could have been Mr.Mouse getting pounced on by the cat; and Freddy or Professor saying, "You'd think he would have heard him coming with that f***ing big ear on his back ! Oh well, back to the drawing board"

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