INT. LABORATORY DAY

PROFESSOR
Good morning Freddy, have you got the results of the rodent DNA from yesterdays tests?

FREDDY
Yes, they showed up positive

PROFESSOR
Excellent, looks like we’re really onto something here. OK, break out the mice we’ve got experimenting to do

FREDDY
Ummm, yeah, the mice. I think there’s something you need to see.

(They go into adjacent room)

PROFESSOR
Where are they all? There were 75 mice here yesterday.

FREDDY
They’re all over there, next to cage 13 where we got yesterdays test subject from.

PROFESSOR
What on earth are they doing?

FREDDY
Nothing, just milling around. They’ve been doing it since 6.30 this morning.

PROFESSOR
Milling around, mice don’t mill around!

FREDDY
Ours do. Remember, these are not normal mice; we’ve been working on these furry blighters for over 3 years. These are (beat) Smart Mice.

PROFESSOR
Nonsense, they just squeak and eat sunflower seeds like any other mice, and another thi…….is that music!?

FREDDY
Yes. I have no idea how they did it but they have somehow made a rudimentary piano, and the little fat one with the funny hair from cage 68 has been playing it non-stop. To be honest it’s getting on my tits.

PROFESSOR
This is just incredible, let me get closer and listen

MOUSE
(to the tune of Candle in the Wind) Goodbye Mr Squeak, though your fur was..quite patchy, you had quite an effect on us, with that extra ear on your back……

PROFESSOR
I don’t believe it, it’s mouse mass mourning. I’ve never seen anything like it. How on earth are we going to get them back in their cages.

FREDDY
I’ve already thought of that sir. I have a plan.

PROFESSOR
Great, what is it.

FREDDY
I’m going to bring forward the next series of “Squeak Idol.” That should have them glued to their little mouse screens (beat) well, that and the glue on their little mouse screens that is.

PROFESSOR
Brilliant