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by Jarl 

Posted: 02 May 2005
Word Count: 112

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Pond'ring beauty beds a flow'ry pillow
sheds affection by her dew wet sorrow
Past times watching from a lover's willow
and 'pon her rented seams reads the morrow
She is a diary some shade of lost
as each day blends into the weight of light
Her moment braced by spheres of flame then frost
it longs for wings to vent her heart so bright
'Til longing craves attendance to a cause
She feels anew and then again the same
Pray earthly grace please the eternal laws
When as an answer from whence once she came
"But what is time and beauty 'f not for me"
And thus she rested in her fantasy

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Comments by other Members

paul53 [for I am he] at 08:25 on 05 May 2005  Report this post
Welcome to WW.
Sonnets are not quite as easy as they first appear. Iambic pentameters sound easy - until you can't get what you want to say to fit the poem. One way is to resort to archaic speech. Unfortunately, what was once accepted is today seen as contrived, and at worst, lax craftsmanship.
"Pond'ring", "flow'ry", "'pon", "'Til" and especially "'f not" need to be replaced.
Read your piece out loud, and stop every time it reaches a place that impedes the flow or causes it to stumble. Listen how the final line rolls off the tongue [and slightly less so, lines 5 to 8]. All the lines should flow like line 12, making it a joy to read.
Poetry is more than writing down your thoughts in metre and verse; it is taking this first draft and polishing it into a gem.

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