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Breaking My Promises

by BorderBound 

Posted: 30 April 2005
Word Count: 106
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Talk to me as if confessing

One more word you insist

On abusing



Your words they’re beautiful

Dark and

Deep.



But you creep up on me

Walk those miles while I sleep.



Those extra fears of hurt now

They sink as I realise I’ve been there before.



Well nothing you can say to me

Will justify those remarks.



Talk to me as if confessing

Every line you threw at me

All of those disgusting

Allegations.



What did they come to?

Wild eyes, tears justified,

It was only you that cried, in the end.



Your words they’re beautiful

Dark and

Deep.

But I have sacrifices to keep






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Comments by other Members



Account Closed at 21:29 on 30 April 2005  Report this post
Very haunting poem indeed. I would be tempted to not have capitals at the beginnings of the lines (unless after a full stop!) to create a greater sense of flow. I'd also replace "disgusting" with something more subtle - the whole piece is so subtle that such a dramatic word does stand out too much and hold the reader up, I think.

I wonder if "It was only you that cried, in the end" might be better and more punchy as "in the end it was only you that cried"??

I also love the repeated "dark and deep" chorus - very balladic and marvellous!

Great stuff

LoL

A
xxx
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BorderBound at 21:30 on 01 May 2005  Report this post
Ah cheers MissB!

You're right about the caps,
will change when I get a free second,

X
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