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Feeling the senses

by joanie 

Posted: 28 April 2005
Word Count: 26
Summary: Not sure about this one - just a few thoughts, really.
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The taste of your laughter
fresh on my mouth.

The sound of your perfume
deep in my skin.

The sight of your voice
across the miles.







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Comments by other Members



The Walrus at 21:05 on 28 April 2005  Report this post
Bringing it back to what's raw and real. Interesting splicing, which works. Enjoyed it.

Christina
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joanie at 22:14 on 28 April 2005  Report this post
Thank you Christina. Much appreciated.

joanie
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laurafraser at 09:22 on 29 April 2005  Report this post
joanie i like the parts without the brackets but not so convinced by the bracketed words. i think it would be better if you were to cut them out and then offer a single resolution, ir combine all your who needs...etc into something that shows because you have this person noting else is needed, which is a very touching and beautiful idea- at the end, which i think would make the whole piece more powerful and tighter as a poem.
who knows maybe talking piddle...
Laura
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joanie at 12:18 on 29 April 2005  Report this post
I agree, Laura. I have removed the brackets and am now pondering whether I need to add to it.

Thanks!

joanie
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Ticonderoga at 15:24 on 30 April 2005  Report this post
'I see a voice; I hear a face!' Sensuality made fresh by the disjuncture of familiar terms of perception. Lovely.


Best,

Mike
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joanie at 16:19 on 30 April 2005  Report this post
Thanks, Mike!

joanie
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