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Why I hate your children

by BenParsons 

Posted: 27 April 2005
Word Count: 720
Summary: A breif summary about why i think it makes no sense to have children

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Why I hate your children.

I hate children, particularly your children. You do not have children for reasons that are reasonable nor redeemable in any way. Humans are a virus, and pro creating is simply spreading this plague upon the earth.

In our society children are created with the intention of being status symbols, affirmations of relationships, an abstract solution to fill a emotional void, or simply accidents. The Jones just had a child, so you must have one as well, or perhaps people will think that you are weird, or sterile, or maybe they will think that you just hate children. Whatever the case may be, you best be getting copulating, or else your status in your all important socialite existence will be irreparably damaged. Or, perhaps your relationship with your spouse hasn't been going so well lately. Bad sex, no sex, suspicion, repetition, lack of emotional relations; whatever the case may be, pounding out an 8 pound bag of flesh from your uterus will surely patch things up. Perhaps you feel like something is missing in your life. Something is lacking in your day to day routine, and you feel that your two thousand dollar pure bred schnouser isn't enough burden on your schedule- a screaming, pissing, feces spewing pet human will certainly make you feel complete. Or, perhaps your reason for burdening the already failing eco-system with another cancerous organism is because you failed, or chose not to get an abortion after getting knocked up. What ever the case may be, congratulations!

In previous societies, having children made some sort of sense, either practically, economically or otherwise. More babies meant eventually, more hands on the farm, more soldiers to defend our homeland, or more people to fill the pews at the altar of our glorious church.

In the modern age, with cities bursting at the seams, water drying up from rivers before it can reach the ocean, and shortages of almost every resource used by man, it has become painfully unapparent to most people that having children makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, and by doing so is a direct act of social, economic and environmental terrorism.

The average human being produces up to 1000 kilograms of garbage every year. Considering people live well into their 80s and 90s now, it is safe to say that your child will first require well more than 100 000 kilograms of raw materials to be harvested from nature (taking into account that the very production of consumer goods generates waste), consume these materials in one way or another, and then dump 100 000 kilograms of waste into our environment. that's 50 metric tonnes of waste I'll have to suffer with because you felt the need to have a child. Thanks. Not only will that-screaming-brat-you cant-shut-up-behind-me-at-the-bank require us to cut down acres of trees, harvest hectares of crops, slaughter countless animals and consume my precious oxygen, it will also need dozens of acres to spread its waste onto afterwards.

As it stands, we cannot provide sustenance for the human beings on this planet. Their lies entire nations of people who cannot find clean drinking water, or food with proper nutritional value. Why? Because people think that it is their right or obligation to produce the worst virus ever let lose on this planet; Homo Sapien. Not only does this particular organism kill everything it comes in contact with, but it feels the constant need to come in contact with more organisms in order to accelerate is destruction of all eco systems it comes in contact with. Like Ebola, Homo Sapiens accelerate their population with every generation, producing offspring faster than it can destroy itself, despite the myriad of ways we have invented to cure the earth of ourselves.

Perhaps while reading this you have had a revelation of some sort, questioning for the first time why you have kids, or why you may want kids one day. I am not necessarily telling you not have children, by all means, if you take the right steps before having your child, then you need not feel guilty about ejecting your brood. If you want to have a child, simply murder someone else's child, or kill yourself after your unprotected orgasm, thus to minimize the spread of the horrible and destructive scourge of Homo Sapiens.

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Comments by other Members

Silverelli at 00:20 on 28 April 2005  Report this post
I'm sensing a little bit of anger here, Ben, do you want to talk about it?

No, I'm just kidding. I enjoyed this, even though I want to have lots of babies, hundreds of them, I'm eager to spread my seed like the alien in Species.

A strong voice here. I think it's a love it or hate it kind of voice. But having said that, I'm not sure which side I'd be on. I was certainly entertained enough to read on.


BenParsons at 00:55 on 28 April 2005  Report this post
Thats about as positive as comment as i expected. I expected this submission to be highly offensive to most people, unless you share my bent sense of humour. Beleive me, I was holding back.

Silverelli at 01:28 on 28 April 2005  Report this post
Believe ME, I have a pretty bent sense of humor.


BTW, nice birthday, you blessed individual, you!

crazylady at 15:11 on 28 April 2005  Report this post
How odd that this should appear under the heading of Humour??
For me it's a nicely written rant. Plenty of anger - v.little humour.
But perhaps you caught me on a bad day....
Not offensive, but possibly rather juvenile.

Sue H at 20:14 on 28 April 2005  Report this post
I have a child and she's beautiful and sensitive and an absolute joy. She's the future of this planet even if she has and will continue to take from the very same planet. Were you not that screaming child that wouldn't shut up? Do you not make waste? You have a right to your opinion, your anger and, of course your feelings towards children (and I'm not all that keen on other people's children!) but there is another side surely? Maybe you just see a different future than I do. Either way, I'm interested to know where this came from - why you feel this so vehemently. Good idea for a science fiction though!


VM at 20:54 on 29 April 2005  Report this post
All perfectly good arguments about what's wrong with the human race, except that I think that the future for us and the planet lies in more understanding and compassion, not more hatred. Wanting to have children is a pretty basic desire and once they are born they are human beings, with rights and needs, not status symbols - important to distinguish between parents' motivations and children's existence - after all, they are generally not consulted about being born.

How about urging those who want to have a family and relationships with other people to think about looking after some of the children who already exist and need looking after.

My response is mixed - don't believe in children as possessions and yes, there are too many people - but loving people and wanting them in your life is not warped or false consciousness. I didn't want babies but adopted my daughter and life is very rich with her in it.

Not clear whether this is meant to be serious or ironic - if serious, perhaps sort out a bit more who it is that you hate - as I said, children are not themselves to blame for being born!

BenParsons at 20:58 on 29 April 2005  Report this post
its not meant to be that serious, perhaps food for thought

Elsie at 21:08 on 29 April 2005  Report this post
I think it would be an interesting experiment for you to put this into a time capsule Ben, and come back to it in a few years.

Dreamer at 21:15 on 29 April 2005  Report this post
Afraid this is lost on me. Seems more of a rant than comedy.

No babies, no people to support the social support net we all have come to relly on. Need them to pay taxes to support programs and become doctors to keep you breathing 'your' air longer. You forgot the elderly. What about euthanasia at 65? People older than that are not really contributing much anymore. Just taking up space and using valuable resources. The Eskimos put them on an ice flow and said arrivederci. Fitting penalty for reproducing in the first place don't you think?

What about two people producing two children? maintaining the status quo.

You should read 'State of Fear' by Michael Crichton. I am in the middle of reading it and it challenges a lot of the things I believed in about the environement etc... A lot of the stuff you are going on about here.


shandypockets at 14:38 on 18 May 2005  Report this post
Ben, this was right up my non-reproductive street. You outstrip even Bill Hicks ("Your chidren are not special") which takes some doing! Liked it a lot, anyway.


BenParsons at 19:01 on 18 May 2005  Report this post
I really like the contrasting comments on this one. I got quite a bit of PMs on this one too. I must have edged onto something right if i pissed off and pleased people at the same time.

little monkey at 22:49 on 23 May 2005  Report this post
I think this is great!

However on more of a selfish note, it may be worth mentioning the way lovely little babies grow up and drain your well earned savings all in the name of trainers, computer games and clothes they will wear only once. You are resorted to go to soul destroying "family" pubs. Your freedom is removed and replaced with an unpaid full time carer role. The thanks for this? They grow up into frightening teenagers who only grunt and shout how much they hate you. They then place you in an old peoples home to visit but once a year, Christmas if your lucky. Patiently waiting for you to pass away so they can get their mucky hands on the remains of your cash, that is their inheritance.

Oh and I blame the greed of the rich as to why there is not enough for all to eat and water to drink. You only have to look at the obese in the rich countries and the straving in my poor to get my point.

Janeyboo at 15:46 on 28 June 2005  Report this post
Very well strung together spew of bile. So don't have any. And make sure you use a condom so there's none of that pointing furiously at your hapless girlfriend and shouting: "But I thought you were on the Pill!".

Alexshaw at 22:38 on 29 January 2006  Report this post
Great piece my friend.

Your point is acid-etched and from the heart (or possibly the bowels), you have harnessed the fury and indignation of youth unfettered by the submission and acceptance that comes with age (that is usually the price for a deeper wisdom). Your prose is elegant yet barbed and vitriolic, if you could keep it up for a whole book, you would drive many to both revolution and possibly suicide. The question being, which first?

I could say I disagree with you (to make myself feel less rotten and full of hate) but I'd be lying. There are too many idiots excreting ever-increasing broods of mewling cabbages.

I think we'd all agree however that a good parent, siring and raising a respectful and conscientious little human being is about the best thing that can be done for this scarred planet. We need a few good people to balance out the oceans of swine.

Keep it up. I shall await your next piece with baited breath.

(And if you haven't already absorbed them, then fuel your fire with kindred spirits Bill Hicks as mentioned above, but also Warren Ellis' Transmetropolitan and of course the complete works of Hunter S Thompson.)

Steerpike`s sister at 21:44 on 22 July 2006  Report this post
Eskimos put them on an ice flow and said arrivederci.

eskimos speak Italian?
... sorry, couldn't help it. :-)

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