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Beneficial things
Posted: 22 April 2005
Word Count: 106
Summary: My SECOND attempt to respond to Robert Frost's 'Acquaintance with the night'
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I might have chosen different roads to walk.
I might have opted for the scenic route.
I might have shunned the cheese to taste the chalk.
I might have yearned for long forbidden fruit
which tempted me to throw all caution out
with decadence and evil in pursuit.
But, always wanting to appear devout,
I spent my time in beneficial things
while just beneath the surface wallowed doubt,
with all the discontentment which it brings.
I watch unbridled freedom as a hawk
swoops down with strength and purpose on its wings.
I live my life oblivious to talk;
I might have chosen different roads to walk.
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Comments by other Members
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 Mac AM at 08:00 on 23 April 2005
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Wow Joanie, you have kept very close to Frost. I was amazed how you kept the single sentence lines in the first stanza and that the second stanza constitutes a single sentence.
I very much like the simplicity of the message:
| I might have shunned the cheese to taste the chalk |
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Tell me, is you prisoner Adam? Or have I placed too much weight on the expulsion from the garden of Eden allusion in stanza two? Do tell.
Well done on a good Saturday morning read.
Mac
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 joanie at 08:22 on 23 April 2005
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Thanks, Mac. No. I hadn't actually thought of Adam, although it does fit very well, doesn't it? Perhaps it was a subconscious idea! It was more of a personal reaction, really, but I like your idea better!
Have you tried reading that chalk/cheese line aloud? It's a real tongue-twister, I find. I was unsure whether to change it.
The title isn't right - any ideas, anybody?
joanie
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Mac AM at 08:38 on 23 April 2005
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Not the best person to test this out on - I had two temporary crowns yesterday and a root treatment on Tuesday, preventing me from talking to brilliantly!
However I have tried it and I think the problem (and very small it is) lies with taste the chalk.
But you know, I've just re-read that particular line five times and didn't stumble once. How bizarre. Granted I have now 'practised' the line, but when you read aloud you invariable do.
What does everyone else think?
Mac
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paul53 [for I am he] at 09:20 on 23 April 2005
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Joanie,
Smashing piece. Writing in a famous poet's style is a bit like trying on their favourite jacket, I find.
New title: "Beneficial Things" ?
Paul
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joanie at 09:38 on 23 April 2005
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Thanks Paul. Yes, I'll try that title and see how it looks. Keeping the jacket theme - I'll try it on for size!
joanie
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 Elsie at 13:40 on 24 April 2005
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Hi Joanie, this seemed to me like a monk or nun speaking. I really like it, especially the stanza about the hawk with strength and purpose on it's wings. Well done.
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joanie at 19:03 on 24 April 2005
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Thank you, Elsie! Yes I can understand the monk or nun idea.
Glad you liked it.
joanie
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 Nell at 20:58 on 28 April 2005
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Hi joanie,
You've all been so busy while I've been away I'll probably never catch up, especially as I'd like to find the threads for the exercises that prompted the poems. This is wonderfully heartfelt and meaningful - it speaks and you listen then go back to the beginning to read again. I loved the cheese/chalk line - it's difficult to say aloud at first but worth practising for the feel of it on the tongue when you get it right.
I might have chosen different roads to walk.
I might have opted for the scenic route.
I might have shunned the cheese to taste the chalk. |
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It did make me stop and think though - it's almost at odds with what s/he seems to be saying ie - that it's the harder path that's been chosen. I might have shunned the chalk to taste the cheese... doesn't have the same ring to it though, as well as upsetting the rhyme scheme. I love the carried over sentence - difficult to do, and there's something in the rhythm and the repetition that speaks of regret as well as the words themselves. One to return to.
Nell.
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joanie at 22:22 on 28 April 2005
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Welcome back, Nell. I hope you are renewed and refreshed! Many thanks for your comments; I think that the cheese/chalk line refers to the fact that the seemingly 'correct' path has been chosen but it's not the desired one.
Thank you for reading and commenting.
joanie
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Nell at 18:32 on 29 April 2005
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Hi joanie,
Renewed and refreshed I was, but so much work was awaiting me at home that now I think I need another holiday! I see what you mean about that line - it's a little like one of those ambiguous drawings in which there are two faces - usually an old and a young person, and it's the one you see first that stops you seeing the second.
Nell.
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Hamburger Yogi & PBW at 08:36 on 15 May 2005
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Interesting that the mood in your poem seems similar to Frost's. It doesn't sound like 'an attempt' - more like some reflection and thought. The results fit well rythmically too.
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Comments by other Members
