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I See No Me

by John G.Hall 

Posted: 18 April 2005
Word Count: 89
Summary: ....the mystery of it-ness.A poem about a cremation.


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I See no me

Never think you know
how the flame feels,

merely because you see
by the electron ejection
the shadows inside me,

merely because my meat
warms the singular self
on light's quantum split.

Until the wick gutters
in the wax puddled moat,

the black twist brittle
the last breath caught.

A candle gasp raising
an indian smoke signal,

telling of the secret phoenix
flapped from the chimney.

Only when the tallow
is cold & left to set,

does meaning radiate
from the lost thread.


John G.Hall(c)2005






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Comments by other Members



apsara at 09:51 on 19 April 2005  Report this post
I think this poem has a good rhythm and some interesting rhymes or near-rhymes. There are some good images too - a told secret, wax moat, black twist brittle.
My only problem is I don't quite know what it is about - fire and heat certainly - but not sure who the żou'and żour'are or whether they are the same person.
Also althought the ending is good - not sure it is meaningful = we can only understand fire when it has gone.
If the poem is purely description then it is very good - but I suspect it is trying to say something more - so perhaps you have to help the dimmer readers - like me!

paul53 [for I am he] at 19:46 on 19 April 2005  Report this post
John,
This is a good poem, but it is let down by misplaced apostrophes.
"it's" is the abbreviation of "it is";
"its" is the possessive of it.
Also, surely "light's quantum split".

From your picture in your showcase page, you appear as a performance poet, so perhaps on stage it does not matter. Here on WW, though, we are merely reading the written word.

Sorry for the criticism, but without these typos errors it is a very fine piece.
Paul

gard at 00:29 on 20 April 2005  Report this post
nice tight flow and rhythm here like some of the alliteration/assonance too

I think I agree with the above, I need to read this piece over a few times to decipher it's meaning. I thought it may be about love and sex initially and the divisions between them, of not knowing someone's inner true self/spirit. But uum not sure about that

G

Ticonderoga at 15:45 on 20 April 2005  Report this post
Sophisticated in the best possible way.


Mike

John G.Hall at 16:57 on 21 April 2005  Report this post
Thanks everyone.

The poem has become better now & is up & about.


JGH

gard at 17:33 on 22 April 2005  Report this post
Hi JGHall

I just re-read your poem. But first I read the intro above. Now I understand. What a blind thing I am!

Good work

G



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