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Abandoned Oysters.

by laurafraser 

Posted: 16 April 2005
Word Count: 267


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Senseless words howl like mules
Scared by the wolves, who lurk in hidden shadows
Laughing at the fools that they hunt,

                    as
the sublime erotification of fornication pushes and nudges me through
a hole in the wall,
where on the other side lie maggots writhing in euphoric ecstasy,
as if Nirvana is real, then everything stops
                    as
Senseless words howl like mules
Scared by the wolves, who lurk in hidden shadows
Laughing at the fools that they hunt,
                  as,
Puss seeps from a wound I didn’t know I had,
Worms slip from my eyes and my ears and
My belly rumbles for food,

                   as
the sublime intensification of ten million unsolved crimes,
mottles the joy of the little lily that floats on a pond
with ducks and some swans
bobbing like they’re meant to.

But what about the sublime, (you whine),
Oh come on back with me to mine -
Where we’ll dine on fine wine and caviar,
That we’ll suck from the empty shells
That the walrus left,
Of the oysters who didn’t have a clue.

Get on your knees, and sing to your Gods,
Oh get on your knees and sing to your Gods,

It makes a wonderful tune.
Because at the back of the room lurk the senseless words
Ready to attack like the wolves did the mules,
So, get on your knees and sing to your Gods,
Sing to your Gods,

Because at the back of your head,
Lurk the mule eating wolves
Who’ll pant as they wait
To devour your hate
That bubbles in denial in
The nothingness you think exists.






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Comments by other Members



SmithBrowne at 19:54 on 16 April 2005  Report this post
Laura -- to get one blank space you can type out the following without the spaces in between (if I typed it with the spaces in between it would be, of course, invisible!):

& n b s p

Just repeat that sequence for as many blank spaces as suit the size of indentation you want.

Best,

Smith



<Added>

Laura, sorry -- I thought the comments I'd typed out last night about the poem had been posted before I sent the above note about html tags for spacing... hmm... must have forgotten to press some button.

Anyway, what I'd said about the poem is similar to Sean's and Bill's comments below -- complex and mythic, you grab the reader right away with the line "the sublime erotification of fornication pushes and nudges me through a hole in the wall" -- and readers are pulled in to the poem's world/words/images, like Alice was pulled into Wonderland. Heady stuff... I'd like to read it again with your intended indents to see how your formatting affects the over all work.

Best,

Smith

seanfarragher at 20:54 on 16 April 2005  Report this post
A marvelous and complex poem that I love for the mixtures of images.

I truly love these two lines

"the sublime intensification of ten million unsolved crimes,
mottles the joy of the little lily that floats on a pond"

from fornication to gentleness and sublime completion. I love it.

Just before that passage you have a marvelous section that should be heavy
but it is not. IT WORKS

"sublime erotification of fornication"

latinate words slow poems, but in this case, it works.

At the end of the poem I would delete the last partial line

Lurk the mule eating wolves
Who’ll pant as they wait
To devour your hate
That bubbles in denial.

###

take out soul
it is implied
you are talking
about essence
and soul is such
a cliche it ruins
the beautiful wolves





crowspark at 21:54 on 16 April 2005  Report this post
Hi laurafraser, love your poem.
I am having a lot of trouble with my own particular wolves lately so this has resonance for me.
Loss of innocence, to always see the bone beneath the skin.
Loved, "the sublime erotification of fornication pushes and nudges me through
a hole in the wall,
where on the other side lie maggots writhing in euphoric ecstasy"

Wonderful.

Bill

laurafraser at 19:07 on 17 April 2005  Report this post
Smith,

I give up!! Thank-you for the tip, there the 'as's' are still not perfect but I have been slapped by fatigue today and the whole   typing gets a little mundane after a while! But thank-you thank-you anyway!

Also another thank-you for your kind comments, funny you should mention alice as the title is a nod to the scene where the walrus eats all the oysters...so la la la!

Sean,

Thank-you as well for your comments-agree with you over 'soul' and so have changed last line-do you think it works any better, i don't want to leave it with "that bubbles in denial" and so...?

Bill,

I am glad that this resonated with you, my actual inspiration for the wolves was John Milton's poem 'Lycidas' but I wanted them to represent the darkness withus that lurks, so I am glad that go across.

Thnk-you everyone for your lovely comments,

LAura

Beanie Baby at 21:52 on 18 April 2005  Report this post
Hello Laura.

Love this bit:

But what about the sublime, (you whine),
Oh come on back with me to mine -

such power over the reader!

This is a truly remarkable piece of work so many images and emotions - a real labyrinth of feelings straining at the leash. I quite like the way the word 'as' stands out each time in its own line. Gives it a lot of whack.

Well done, you!
Beanie

laurafraser at 12:23 on 19 April 2005  Report this post
Thanks BEanie!

LAura


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