A BED FANTASY
Posted: 08 July 2003
Word Count: 100
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“Shankelly brazen, torson black. Wings of ivory, head of a cat. Spirits of nightshade, all to come. Shafts of lightning, bear me on!”
Rising, turning, faster and faster, the sheets stretching out into translucent wings, through the window and out into the night. Not cold, not hot, no wind, the earth flashing below, further and further away.
First a silence deep as dying, the stars wrapped around my head like a twilight blanket. Then deep, whispering music, coming from everywhere and nowhere, seeming to rise and fall in my head and heart.
And dammit, then I fell out of bed!
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 Anna Reynolds at 22:57 on 10 July 2003
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Okay... so tell me what the first line is all about? If it's a quote, I'd say that's slightly cheating- because I skimmed it and wanted to get to your writing, your take on this. And when I did, I was drawn in by the sheer speed of your imagination and language, which is exhilerating and frightening. I'm excited by how you've aproached this part of the exercise- when I've done this with groups face-to-face it's the hardest part, understandably, because it's an intimate process best done, probably, in the anonymity of the Web. But you hold me as a reader until 'And dammit, then I fall out of bed!'- I like the sentiment and reasoning behind it, but it makes me feel slightly as if I've been tricked somehow- I've engaged with your world but then you've told me it's not real. So I wondered if you might rethink this- it seems to me as if you're not confident about just letting us enter this world, so you've topped and tailed this with a quote (or something in speechmarks, which alienates me, because it's not the writer's voice) and a sort of quip. I think- you don't need to do this. It's a very strong, visual, fantastical and scary story- so maybe either drop the top and tail or make them integral to the piece. Because the body of this is wonderful.
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 LONGJON at 04:04 on 11 July 2003
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Hello Anna,
I absolutely guarantee no quotes used or even adopted and adapted. I've never even read Harry Potter or anything that could be said to come from that genre. I was so excited by the subject that I literally just sat down at the computer and the whole thing was done in about 25 minutes. Did a bit of editing, about another half an hour, that was it. I loved it, it was unadulterated fun. You simply opened a door and I leapt through. The speechmarks were intended to be just that, but more the owner of the bed speaking to themself, the uttering of a spell to make the bed move.
Tell me (and this is not some sort of mutual admiration society) how in heavens name can you give such a perceptive response from a hundred words from someone you have never met face to face.
Reading that last line, it is a bit of a cowards line isn't it. It is a little like seeing that you've done something halfway decent but not having the nuts to admit it because that would mean you'd have to find out if you could do it again?
I'll do a re-work this weekend, perhaps take it beyond 100 words just as an exercise.
I thank you for your thinking and your comments.
John P.
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