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Enticement

by joanie 

Posted: 09 April 2005
Word Count: 57


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Tempt me
with those lazy days
which stretch out endlessly
in hope.

Realistically
I plod along
and find it difficult
to cope

with inactivity
unless it's
liberally seasoned
with scope

for action.
I tell myself
that I must change; I'm on
a slippery slope. So

tempt me
with those lazy days
which stretch out endlessly
in hope.









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Comments by other Members



Nik Perring at 22:28 on 09 April 2005  Report this post
Nice writing Joanie. Really liked the self-critical, confessional aspect of this.
Good stuff.
Nik.


lieslj at 04:00 on 10 April 2005  Report this post
Clever structure, Joanie. And a lovely sentiment.

I must heed this call to indolence. I completely identify with the inability to sit still and do nothing. Perhaps I should post your poem in large letters above my computer!

Warm regards
Liesl

Hamburger Yogi & PBW at 06:50 on 10 April 2005  Report this post
Does this conform to the Japanese requirements for Haiku? If I am not mistaken the form is used to elicit 'wiggles' of enlightenment from a single mental flicker of some kind. This poem uses a repeated rhyme to suggest a kind of repeating progression more like a lament of some kind.

Hamburger (Fusspot) Yogi

joanie at 08:31 on 10 April 2005  Report this post
No, HY, it certainly isn't Haiku, as far as I'm aware. This was posted as 'short poetry'!
Thanks for reading.

joanie

joanie at 08:32 on 10 April 2005  Report this post
Nik and Liesl, thanks!

joanie

Fearless at 10:14 on 10 April 2005  Report this post
Joanie

Languid, yet playful. A lyric for lazy summers.

Write on, Fearless

jewelsx at 14:20 on 10 April 2005  Report this post
lovely,

well done again

jewelsx

joanie at 17:03 on 10 April 2005  Report this post
Fearless and jewelsx, thanks for reading and responding!

joanie

laurafraser at 18:16 on 10 April 2005  Report this post
joanie loved this esp. the repetition of first verse.
very seductive.

Laura

joanie at 18:29 on 10 April 2005  Report this post
Thanks Laura!

joanie


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