A Lesson in Giving The Cold Shoulder.
Posted: 08 April 2005
Word Count: 39
Summary: Please Excuse my crude language.
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Content Warning
This piece and/or subsequent comments may contain strong language.
He tapped her on the shoulder
Said lets go fuck on the boulder,
if only she lamented, it were a little colder,
I’d have an excuse to give you the cold shoulder,
But seeing as it’s hot
Why not?
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Comments by other Members
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 Ticonderoga at 14:37 on 09 April 2005
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Funny - mmmmmmm; but, also rather sad in a way as it feels like a loveless fuck that's ok for the moment because there's nothing else to do,but the girl would really prefer not even to be with this person any more. Or am I reading too much into it? Keep scribbling!
Best,
Mike
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engldolph at 10:29 on 10 April 2005
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hi Laura,
Yes, made me smile too ...but I can see Mike's point to an extent...I think the ambiguity may come from the word "Said" , which maybe sounds like a unimaginative order ... if you wanted this to evoke light/co-conspiratorial, using a word like "Whispered" or "Breathed" or something like that might do it ..but maybe that's not your intention..
enjoyed
Mike
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miffle at 13:58 on 10 April 2005
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I read this as a light-hearted piece. I think the rhymes for me created this feel. If there were a serious undertone then I'd be interested to see it expressed without the rhymes. Nikki
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laurafraser at 18:15 on 10 April 2005
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Thank-you all for reading. Nikki is right the only intention behind this poem was to create somethiing very light hearted, if slightly wicked....
Mike was not intended as sad, more a sense of the carefree attitude of summer mixed with the sense of humour of Kenneth Tynan.
I love little things like this, as they are merely little excerpts of merriment, and for me are not at all serious. I simply wanted to makes people laugh and or smile.
engldolph,
thank-you for the suggestion but i wanted to use the simpleness of said, because i liked hte ding dong rhyme of it, ie she said he said etc.
whispered and breathed have too many erotic connotations that would take this poem somewhere else. But I appreaciate the suggestions!
XLaura
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engldolph at 21:07 on 11 April 2005
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Laura,
How can you have concerns about erotic connotations in a poem that says: let's go fuck..!:-)
still think whispered can be as light and as limericky-joking.. and add something that makes it more real... but I also understand using "said" if you want to leave it at the limerick level.
Anyway, still made me smile :-)
Mike
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seanfarragher at 03:27 on 12 April 2005
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Yes, you have a great stanza for a poem, but it needs the rest of it all. "Charming" can be part of a longer poem that considers the larger question of the impossiblity of courtship. I know you can push it further. Save "cuteness" for a longer poem that will turn on that embellishment.
<Added>
By the way, your language is appropriate for the poem, and you may warn people but sometimes being crude works. You are a fine poet. I look for your work here.
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laurafraser at 18:33 on 14 April 2005
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Mike by erotic connotations i meant a rather moe serious poem, that I didn't want this to be. I see what you mean by whispered etc but still want to keep said, as sean says, to me it seems "appropiate" for the rest of the poem.
thanks anyway,
smiles,
Laura.
Sean,
You are always trying to push me further arn't you?! (and i mean that in a happy smily way...)
the topic you suggest does interest me-but i'm not quite sure about the "impossibility of courtship"-what do you mean by that?
As far as being crude is concerned I rather like that genre in poetry. My inspiration as I said above was kenneth Tynan, that debauched, slither of a wicked smile approach to poetry. there are a plethora of styles and diferent silk's with which we poets have at our disposal to weave our "magic" (or awfullness) what ever way you chose to look at a piece.
I like your suggestion of taking this further band may indeed play with a poem about courtship, but I don't think i shall use this as part of this,as I feel that I want it to remain a limerick. A short little something to raise the corners of someone's lips and jingle them on their merry way...
And sean, thank-you for your compliment, from a poet whose work I admire, it means a damn lot! and if course is nice to know!
Happy days,
Laura
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seanfarragher at 01:52 on 15 April 2005
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Yes, I want to push you further. I want you to swoop over words so your entire body writes the poem and you leave it all on the field. Sometimes, I feel like a baseball coach wanting every poet to leave it all on the field as they say. I want the goalie in soccer or English football to allow nothing, and in rugby (I played in in Ireland long ago) I want to control the ball out of the scrum. Nothing is left. Passion is perfected. It is not winning or fame that matters, but the poem or the action of the whole body (as a team is all the processes of making it new)
Yes, as a teacher and mentor of poets, and a lover of great women, I want you to write poems that measure your power. Look at the magazine Frigg (friggmagazine.com) -- I edit the poetry section. The poets there reach. I know you can reach with them.
I don't know if you are single or not, but courtship is rarely courtship these days. There is no slow, intricate layering of passions, no anticipation, nothing to show the learning that can happen when two human beings light their internal fires. Of course, it is all individual, and one can choose how one acts or doesn't act when confronted and absorbed by passion and desire. I have no f****** idea what I am talking about. LOL.
You are a sweet and dark woman, and that I find attractive. Courtship may be that tug of lines, that brush of sweet lyrics that continues in the motion of one perfect1 kiss imagined and enacted.
farragher@comcast.net
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laurafraser at 09:44 on 16 April 2005
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Sean,
can passion be "perfected?"
what does "winning and fame" have to do with poetry?
"nothing is left" I'm not sure. I think actually there are certain poems that require a lot is "left" whether that be because the poem is more about implication, or because of the style of it. I think there are some poems that are meant to be quite frigid in scope and seem to lack "everything" becasue without them, those poems that do indeed leave nothing behind will have no beauty.
How much should a poet invest in every poem?
Should everyone be our masterpiece? Or don't we need the slightly less powerful ones, to guide us to our swansong?
I know that the way that I write poetry is tha sometimes, there are pieces that skip out of me quite quickly and gregariously and then there are those that sem more reticent, words have to be coaxed out slowly and lovingly, stoked, reassured and then placed with great contemplation onto the page.
In theory the idea of giving all, is of course a stunning one, as is the case when applied to anythning in life: poetry, love, family, living etc etc.
However if what you mean is that a poet should give everything they have into each poem, then of course I agree with you, and that is why I am grateful for your words when you are encouraging me.
from a purely egocentric point of view I am interested in how you perceive me as a "sweet and dark woman" interesting contrasts.
I shall take a look at Frigg and once again Sean, it is a deep pleasure to read your writings about poetry, you seem to have a love and respect for it that erupts from each of your typed words, the spray of which sprinkles far and wide.
Happy days,
LAura
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Flashy at 20:36 on 17 April 2005
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Blimey that was a bit intimate!!!! I mean the comments.
I loved the quirky humour of the poem as well, very well put together i thought.
Erm...yes. I'll go now shall i?
Alan
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seanfarragher at 21:35 on 17 April 2005
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Alan, poetry that responds to poetry is more intimate than any other experience. When a poem works in that way, it is the best of a poem, NOT THE BEST POEM, but the point of a poem as I see it. Laura does that in her poems.
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Myrtle at 16:58 on 09 May 2005
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Got me smiling. Brought to my mind that poem by Wendy Cope about her ex-lover taking the corkscrew... Same sort of smile.
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joanie
