The unfolding of a season
Posted: 04 April 2005 Word Count: 270 Summary: My attempt at the 20 point exercise in Poetry Seminar.
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From gnarled rods, centuries old, spring-green curtains trail their hems in the Seine. Bateaux-mouches skim by, fly-eyes bulging with wide-eyed travellers, bit torrents streaming with the flow.
Lazy joggers taste a favourite ipod tune while Figaro readers (far less likely to experience cardiac failure) sip a café and smoke a Gitane, ignoring a pending liver problem. La Tour Eiffel
stretches in the afternoon sun, sighs and resumes her sentry post, looking down with wry amusement at armies of swarming ants, intent only on nibbling a piece of Gay Paree to march back
to home camp. joanie sits bare-armed against the sun in spring, bag clutched tight against invisible snatchers, while Pierre (or André or Guillaume) strolls, thrutched up in winter scarves, avec sa femme ou son tout petit chien.
Along the banks, in open squares, the easy elegance of rollers complements the elegant ease of Parisians at leisure. Pierre, doffing his woollen burdens, joins them, arthritic joints oiled by imagination, an old body liberated
by the infection of the season. Next week the strong black coffee and cigarettes will take their toll, but Pierre will rest content; he has felt the rush of wind on his face. Peace is pierced
by jolly jingles instantly quelled by bare-bellied beauties (they think) or anxious mates away from home, so calm soon rears its ugly head. The cappuccino froth of contentment floats in the air but this could never be Italy.
A single cigarette wafts spiralling smoke on the breeze; a chic scarf winds itself effortlessly around a long neck; a lunch-time carafe of rosé sparkles its invitation to enjoy Paris in April.
Comments by other Members
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Nell at 19:43 on 04 April 2005
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Hi joanie,
A few first impressions - love spring-green curtains trail their hems/in the Seine... that image of the bateaux-mouches, the personification of the Eiffel Tower. 'Joanie' was a surprise - suddenly you're there, bare-armed in the middle of Paris among the passers-by, the snippet of French adding to the flavour. I hesitated over ...calm soon rears its ugly head... as for me calm is probably the most desirable thing in the world. Wonderfully atmospheric - you've really taken us to Paris in the spring, and those images in the last stanza remain in the mind - I can almost smell the cigarette. Will return to read again.
Nell.
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joanie at 08:08 on 05 April 2005
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Nell, thanks. I totally agree about the 'calm........' - that was the result of one of the 20 things to include. (I can't remember which one now without going back and ticking them off again!) Perhaps I'll re-think that.
I'm pleased you thought it atmospheric.
joanie
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Ticonderoga at 15:17 on 05 April 2005
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Can only agree with Nell; this is a remarkably atmospheric piece. I only have one tiny cavil: un petit peut de trop of the old Francais, perhaps, for non-speakers? But, a really lovely piece.
Best,
Mike
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Elsie at 15:59 on 05 April 2005
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Joanie, sorry for the delay. I've been running a round a bit. (Not literally, unfortunately; ) And there's so much going on in here - when I first read it I remember thinking how true, about us Brits getting our limbs out at the first sign of sun, when the europeans keep well wrapped up. For me, favourite's are:
From gnarled rods, centuries old,
spring-green curtains trail their hems
in the Seine. |
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and the last stanza. I also like the idea of the crowd as ants.
I wasn't sure what the 'jolly jingles' was? I wouldn't worry personally about ticking all the boxes - I think the point of an exercise is to spark something you like, and feel free to abandon any parts you don't want. The whole point is to write something different, but you want to keep, I feel. What do you think?
Elsie
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joanie at 16:20 on 05 April 2005
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Thanks, Elsie, both for your response and the exercise. Yes, it is good to write something different, sparked off by an exercise or whatever!
The jolly jingles were mobiles.
I enjoyed the challenge.
joanie
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joanie at 16:23 on 05 April 2005
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Thanks, Mike. Glad you liked it. I have taken a bit of français out.
joanie
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fevvers at 17:46 on 08 April 2005
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Hello
I have a worry. Not about the poem but about taking out a section because the reader might not read French. I don't read or speak French but I can appreciate its use in a poem, and it's for the writer to tease some of the meaning out in the poem, to help the reader along. Or even footnotes.
What do other people think about using foreign languages in poetry?
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joanie at 17:55 on 08 April 2005
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Interesting thought, fevvers! I have to say that when I have read poems on WW which contain language I don't understand, I have felt that it has added to the whole feel of the poem and I wouldn't really want it taken out.
joanie
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