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The bed I sleep in now
Posted: 06 July 2003
Word Count: 95
Summary: Having read Boo's wonderful warm image of a bed with nightly visitors, I couln't resist trying to express the other side of life with small children.....that comes with exhaustion
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This bed is hard and functional, essential equipment for maintaining energy. I have to plug myself in for an eight-hour stretch or I will not operate effectively. In the morning I forget my dreams. There are always deadlines and demands. The cover gets shaken flat to hide the messed up sheets. Brainwaves follow patterns; nightly peaks and troughs. Interruption can induce torpor and disrupts normal functioning. Sounds enter ears and footsteps click brain on. I cannot disconnect. My body must serve. An overdrawn account, I have to face up to my bed and its penalties.
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 Jabulani at 09:46 on 06 July 2003
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Sorry Anna...I don't know why it didn't appear in the right section....too many sleepless nights! I have moved it now and have copied your response below.Laura.
Laura- why isn't this in the group?! anyway, the 'overdrawn account' is fabulous- such a nice image that you have to pay the penalties. (I use nice in terms of the writing.) And 'plugging yourself in' for a stretch is good, too- all the language here implies the bed as a battery recharger, almost a responsibility- having to hide the messed up sheets, 'essential equipment'. I wondered if the lines 'Interruption can induce torper and disrupts normal functioning. Sounds enter ears and footsteps click brain on' might feel too leaden in contract with the rest of the piece, which is quite graphic, simple and imaginative in it's language and imagery. And also I wondered about maybe instead of 'My body must serve. An overdrawn account...' you might think about 'My body an overdrawn account, I face up to my bed and its penalties.' Not to put words in your mouth, just to simplify and therefore show up the lovely phrase you have slightly hidden in there.
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