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The Bed 2
Posted: 06 July 2003
Word Count: 101
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All in my carefree days I rested in beds others were to sleep in after me, and yet my heart was unmoved. Then, from time and words and love, this field of dreams, this jousting yard, these tousled bedclothes, this my marriage bed of 35 years.
Now, as each day I awake and leave the bed, gradually a little more of me remains behind. I almost see and almost hear this surcoat, this self shadow, as if in whispered conversation with the rest of itself, waiting, as it were, for this shadow to become whole.
Then shall the carefree days return.
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 Anna Reynolds at 22:26 on 07 July 2003
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Again, what's emerging from these pieces are bigger and bigger stories, almost epic in proportion- in contrast with the details and the sense of temporary. 'beds others were to sleep in after me' gives a huge amount away in a very neat sentence. And you've really clung to the bed and what it means- the image of a little more remaining behind each time is lovely and has pathos as well as warmth, memory, history. Like layers of bedclothes.
I'm not entirely sure what the last line adds though- it almost feels as if the writer suddenly speaks up and shatters the sense of being allowed into a private world. I think you could do without it- others will probably not agree, but it's unnecessary for me. The sense of the 'surcoat' being ever-present and the circle almost completing- you're saying all this without the need for that.
I think these are like a mixture of little tiny novels and poetry- a perfect blend and size.
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 LONGJON at 01:27 on 08 July 2003
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Tai hoa, Anna, have you never seen a grown man blush!
Many thanks indeed for your perceptive and generous comments. I see what you mean about the last line, it does hold up without it. The original intention was to indicate death, a kind of release but not a frightening one, an end and beginning in one.
I think I shall "dine out" on your comments for some time!
Roll on Part 3.
Tena koe,
John P.
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