Faceless Woman
Posted: 29 March 2005
Word Count: 127
Summary: Emotions regarding my adoption. All comments welcome....
Related Works: Faceless No More •
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Faceless woman who gave me life,
Haunts my thoughts,
Fans the flames of curiosity,
I bear no blame or negative sentiment,
Only speculation and wonder,
Vague vision from formal description,
A fantasy figure in mind,
Long glossy hair, chocolate eyes,
Flawless complexion and an adoring smile,
A dream of perfection,
Ignorant bliss, I have no memory,
Of her, saying goodbye as I cry,
A bond broken, yet the blood still flows,
Thicker than water, binding us together,
With the strength of a spider’s web,
A thousand questions, a hole to fill,
In a complex jigsaw,
Of a mother torn, between selflessness,
And selfishness, her child was given
A better life, nurture and love,
There is no closure, time passes,
My search goes on,
For the faceless woman.
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Comments by other Members
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 paul53 [for I am he] at 19:03 on 29 March 2005
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Hi Lisa,
I am reticent to comment on this before anyone in your group, but this is a fine, strong poem from you, and it has the potential of being even stronger.
You express your feelings well here, which is perhaps all you intended, but poems should also incite readers by saying more with less - by getting the reader to connect with the author.
For example: instead of "thicker than water" which has become cliched by overuse, you could say
". . . the blood still flows
as thickly, binding us together"
leaving the reader to connect to the obvious reference. This draws the reader in to where you are speaking from.
Look for any other phrases that might be overused, and polish this poem with pride. As I have told you before, you have a great talent, and we on WW want nothing more than to see it flourish.
Paul
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The Walrus at 19:48 on 29 March 2005
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Poignant and articulate. Few probably have experience of the subject matter but I found this insightful and brave.
The Walrus
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 joanie at 20:01 on 29 March 2005
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Lisa, this is very powerful. There are some wonderful thoughts and ideas. I love the opening and closing words repeated; so much so that I wonder if the title couls be different.
Very enjoyable.
joanie
<Added>
'could' - sorry!
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Tina at 20:08 on 29 March 2005
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Hi Lisa
A strong poem packed with feeling - these were the lines that really stuck out for me:
Faceless woman
dream of perfection,
A bond broken
Vague vision - a fantasy figure
thousand questions,
There is no closure, time passes,
as they speak of the yearning and uncertainty and hope.
I guess I really like things that infer ideas - you have so many strong ideas here that they seem to be 'competing' with each other - don't know but I think I would like more evasion in the words to infer the seeking, the longing, the need to just know. To lead the reader down the same path you have travelled.
A brave and insightful piece
Thanks and I hopemy comments are not too much?
Tina
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Mac AM at 10:00 on 30 March 2005
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Hello Lisa,
It is always difficult to comment on writing that stems from personal experience. I almost feel unqualified to comment because I haven't had the same kind of life. However, to cope with that, I'm going to comment on elements of the poem itself, not on the emotions and feelings of the poet. I hope this is OK.
The overriding feeling of the poem for me is the relentless questions that seem to hang in the air as a result of not knowing who or what or when or why, whether you have passed her, met her etc. However, I didn’t feel that I learned that much about your personal experience. The poem felt a little generic as if I was learning what all adoptees feel. I would dearly love to see phrases that sum up your unique insight.
I was also a little concerned about the use of alliteration:
A fantasy figure
A bond broken,
between selflessness,
And selfishness,
to me they gave a clichéd feel to the poem, and obscured other lovely, fresher ideas, such as the spider thread strength. I also agree with a previous comment about blood being thicker than water. I think if you can feel as you obviously do, you can find original ways of writing about your experiences so that people like me, read it and think, I never imagined it would be like that!
Does this make sense? There are snatches of lovely writing in your poems that you can draw out. Incidentally, I loved that you said a hole to fill rather than the missing piece in the jigsaw and it is that originality that I like from you.
A great read Lisa.
Mac
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Ticonderoga at 13:07 on 30 March 2005
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Lisa - as a fellow adoptee I respond very strongly to this - I went through a bit of an identitiy crisis when I was thirty or so as a consequence of negative wondering - but I would imagine that any one with a sense of needing to belong would find this moving and thought-provoking. By the way, I eventually decided that I am me: that is, an accumulation of every one I've ever met and known and every thing I've ever read or seen or listened to or touched or smelt; what I mwan is that I believe nurture wins out over nature in many repects & you are the person you've become more than the person you were born. Fine piece.
Best,
Mike
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Ambitions of Lisa at 16:28 on 03 April 2005
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Thanks to Paul, The Walrus, Joanie, Tina, Mac and Mike for your comments.
Now trying to rewrite this piece without giving it a cliched feeling. Can see a lot of room to improve and give it more depth. Wish me luck.
:)
Lisa
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