Login   Sign Up 



 

In The Half-Sleep

by Jabulani 

Posted: 24 March 2005
Word Count: 32


Font Size
 


Printable Version
Print Double spaced


It is here
In the half-sleep
That we meet
And all we touch
slips away

As thoughts steal
A moment
In a long-remembered place
A field
Where you and I
Once lay.






Favourite this work Favourite This Author


Comments by other Members



joanie at 11:58 on 24 March 2005  Report this post
Hi, Jabulani. This is lovely in its seeming simplicity and conciseness. I love
'all we touch
slips away'


Beautiful.
joanie

Jabulani at 13:16 on 24 March 2005  Report this post
Thanks Joanie.
It was written late last night on a train......an idea that came to me.
I am trying to use my own natural voice and avoid being overly clever in my writing.
This is very hard to do without coming across as too obvious and predictable........I am really interested to know how others receive this.

paul53 [for I am he] at 20:38 on 24 March 2005  Report this post
If that is your natural voice, then go with it. This is a fine poem that evokes a lot within the reader [well, it does me]. There must be something about the rhythm of a train that gets the poetry flowing.

The Walrus at 13:14 on 27 March 2005  Report this post
Beautiful almost ethereal piece which, I feel, 'speaks' naturally.

I enjoyed it very much.

The Walrus

Jabulani at 07:13 on 28 March 2005  Report this post
Thanks so much....The Walrus
I've been looking at your profile. Wow! What a lot of work...
Thank you for your encouragement.

Jabulani

miffle at 20:33 on 28 March 2005  Report this post
This piece slips away from me, but this I like. Kind regards, Nikki


To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .