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I can`t die because...

by BorderBound 

Posted: 15 March 2005
Word Count: 396
Summary: Op April 14th.


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Itís a line that I have started to wake up with
Each day, a new end,

Only,
the more lines I come up with,
the more I realise Ė that really,
there isnít any reason for me not to.
Not a real reason,
not a religious or scientific reason.

I can die,
even though I have dreams,
I can die,
even though I still have things to do,
Even though people depend on me,
even though Iím young and Iíd feel pretty ripped off,

Even though I really just donít want to,

I canít die because I love her,
and I havenít told her yet.
I canít die because my child needs me, because I want more children, because I need to prove to people that Iím a good mother Ė and dying 8years into the job just doesnít fit in with that.

I canít die because it doesnít feel like Iím dying. Iím not in pain,
I canít die because there are still foods that I havenít eaten.
Because Iíve only recently started looking at the treeís and Ďgetting ití

I canít die because I only just found out what I want to do with my life
If I die, my father will blame my mother
My mother needs help in moving house
And my bothers Ė really really need me.

I canít die because I still havenít got my bloody driving license,
I havenít come out to my grandparents,
Iíve put on a lot of weight this month and I refuse to die fat.

I canít die without being at least a part of everywhere.

I have to finish writing my book, otherwise I want the time I wasted on it back,
If I die I want compensation for all the money that I could have made

I donít want to keep pictures
I donít mind the scars.
Iíll go crazy if I loose my job and have to wait for 2 weeks with nothing on my mind, prior to the op.

I donít mind if the surgeons a pig
But it would be nice if he was lovely,

And I wouldnít get angry if he admitted
that they had made a mistake
And that there was nothing wrong with me all along.

I canít die.
I donít have a reason, not a real one Ė religious or scientific.
I just donít want to.






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Comments by other Members



joanie at 22:04 on 15 March 2005  Report this post
Hi BorderBound.... this is very thought-provoking. I can relate to these thought processes. I like the way you have gone round in circles and finally come up with the final line!

joanie


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