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The Shire Fox

by Heckyspice 

Posted: 15 March 2005
Word Count: 1400
Summary: I am not sure if this has quite worked out but as an exercise it was interesting. In Chapter three of the Fellowship of the Ring, a fox spies Frodo, Sam and Pippin asleep in the woods. The fox is on a mysterious errand of which nothing more is said. I often wondered what happened to the fox and what his business was. perhaps this is his story.


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After seeing the Hobbits asleep in the wood, the fox followed the trail down toward Pincup. The scent of the night was deep as if all the trees were holding their breath. The fox had known something like this before when he had ventured into the old forest and deep into its maze of ancient roots. There the sunlight had vanished and fear took over him. Somehow he had made his way back the banks of the Brandywine River following the sound of water or laughter and a flash of yellow that sparked in the darkness. Faces of gnarled creatures had grinned at him as he escaped the old forest. He would never go back.

Now he was on a new quest. He was shackled to a pact his forefathers had made with the powers that stirred in dark places and looked south for their nourishment. The pact was embedded in his fur and his paws; it was obvious in each step he took. Tonight the pact called him further into the west than he had ever gone before.

Earlier in the day he had skirted the border of Farmer Maggot’s holding. The nut brown Hobbit had been tending his crops, thankfully without Grip and Fang his guard dogs. Maggot had seen the fox and a shouted out, “Be off with you, you varmint.” The fox slipped away, he understood that Maggot had his feet deep in the earth and was a wise power that many Hobbits could not see. The Shire was a curious place and the Fox wondered why the Hobbits did not recognise the immense power that grew out of the earth, perhaps they did but cared less.

Eventually the fox found his way to the edge of Pincup. Here and there, a few lights could be seen from the row of smial houses but there was no sign of any wayfarers in the night. The fox slipped through the shadows, a ripple of rust in the aging night. He soon left behind the sleepy hamlet and was running across the pasturelands leading west. Spots of moonlight chased him as the great silver eye of the world peeped out of wispy clouds high above.

At daybreak the fox stopped running. He found a small copse to crawl into and was soon fast asleep. In his dreams he saw a golden harvest and plunder enough to last all winter. His dreams soon faded.

“Good morning Sir Fox,” a voice said.

The fox woke up and sniffed the air, deadness was there. His hearing seemed to be pinched as if he was deep inside a seashell. A chill fell over his face even though the sun was high in the sky. He gulped, afraid of the bargain he head to make.

Sitting within the copse before a small fire was a sliver haired man. His locks were ragged as if the air around him was scarred, his face was pockmarked and his eyes were yellow but not as warm as buttercups. A puddle soaked cloak was wrapped across his shoulders. The fox cowered before the visitor, as he had done each time they had met.

“You made very good time,” the man said.

“Yes,” said the fox, he could feel a chill thread pull him forward when the man spoke. He dug his paws in to stop the fear.

“Well now, perhaps we can have an agreeable chat.” The man pulled a wizened pipe from within the mystery of his cloak. He lit the bowl using a small twig that had fallen from the fire. “Come closer to the fire, you will be warmer.”

“Fire is not my friend,” said the fox, “It is only the friend of man.”

“True enough,” said the man. He sucked on the pipe and then released a serpent of smoke from his mouth, a serpent that could not mask the chill of his breath. “Well now Sir Fox perhaps we can begin.”

The fox padded slowly away from the fire, he sniffed the air, and there were no more strangers to come. “Speak your words.”

The man put the pipe down, “Of course, I can grant your freedom if you do but one little task, a mere trifle of a request. A little fancy, nothing more than that.”

“You speak in riddles,” said the fox, “Speak like a man.”

The man coughed, “Of course. I need you steal something for me. Food from yonder house”.

“You could do that.”

“No, I could not. This requires some extra special guile, such as yours Sir Fox. And after that I grant you a free and worthy life. Before the end of all things I want to taste food once more. You and I have journeyed long together and I am weary of the road.”

“Is that all” asked the fox.

“Yes,” the man sucked once more on his pipe. There was still no warmth as he choked out snakes of smoke.

“Very well, I will do this thing.” The fox ran off toward the distant farmhouse. It was not unusual for Hobbits to build houses out in the wild, but why this one was special he could not tell. A smell of bacon and eggs dragged him forward and soon he was outside the house. He stopped beneath an open window. Inside the house, a burly Hobbit was engaged in his first breakfast, a huge teapot steamed over the fire and the smell of mushrooms soon joined the day.

The fox slipped past the window to the back porch. A leg of bacon had been placed on the window ledge to cool. The sweet scent of crackling tickled his nose. Making sure he was alone, the fox sprang into action and scrambled up to the window ledge. He grabbed the leg with his jaw and bounded away. Behind him the shouts of a furious Hobbit filled the place where the leg had been.

Returning to the copse, the fox could see the fire had gone out. The man was sitting even more miserably than before. His cloak was looking more misshapen than before, as if it was trying to blend into the earth. Wind shook free his hair and the grey strands fluttered like the flags of the great houses, displaying the scars on his face and the chewed shape of his ears. A single teardrop fell across the face of the man.

The fox placed the leg down before the dying fire.

“Thank you, Sir Fox”, said the man.

“Grant me my freedom,” The fox noticed that the air had warmed slightly. He was in no mood to stay here. “Please now, grant me my freedom.”

“Yes, good Sir Fox, I release you from the bonds your family forged all those years ago. Be no longer a thief in our service.”

The fox sniffed the ground, there was a sense of blood there and soon he could feel the earth tremble slightly. The man reached out to the pie and then withdrew his hand. “This is the last time we shall meet, Sir Fox.”

“What will you do?” The fox was no longer afraid.

The man sighed. “I will wait for my master. What will happen here I cannot say?” He looked west, “I cannot cross the Blue Mountains. I cannot go where my heart desires. I cannot be anymore a man. One day he will come here and forge the wheels and cogs that will make this land black and foul, not green and good.”

“Be free of him,” The fox said, “Leave this place.”

“Ah, Sir Fox, to be free is to be wild. You are such a creature. I am a servant and must keep watch here.”

The fox saw that there were no more tears on the face of the man. His eyes had become hard like brass and the chill was returning. The glimpse of a shadow watching the Shire had returned. The nameless sentinel that had once been proud and haughty resumed his grim task of preparing for the day when the black heart of a wizard finally beat in the north.

Silently the fox trotted away from the copse. He did not look back. He would not come to the Shire again. His business here was finished. Before him was the path to the White Downs. It would be good to see what lay beyond those hills.











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Comments by other Members



Nell at 14:47 on 15 March 2005  Report this post
Hi David.

There's a lovely mysterious feel to this, and although I never managed to get further than the dwarves hanging up their coats in the original this made me want to read on. Some wonderful imagery and turns of phrase: ...The scent of the night was deep as if all the trees were holding their breath... ...the powers that stirred in dark places... ...The pact was embedded in his fur and his paws... ... a ripple of rust in the aging night... ...Spots of moonlight chased him as the great silver eye of the world peeped out of wispy clouds high above... And more.

I think you could work at tightening this a little though. There are typos, missing hypens and repetitions that you should find easily enough, but look at those places where you could have been less explicit and left the reader to draw the obvious conclusion. For example, I don't think you need to tell us that Grip and Fang are guard dogs - their names do that beautifully. We know where the fox met the visitor, so there's no need to mention that he's 'within the copse'. Another 'within' occurs at ...The man pulled a wizened pipe from within the mystery of his cloak... The sentence reads better without it and I wondered if its function was merely to set the odd era/place.

The para beginning ...Sitting within the copse... is rather overloaded with the verb to be - look and see what you think. Those sentences could be restructured more creatively perhaps.

"...You and I have journeyed long together and I am weary of the road..." came as a surprise as I thought they'd met accidentally, but later it seems that the fox's quest involves finding the man and being released from his bonds. I did wonder how the man's family could possibly have enforced the pact, and it's as if there's another story concealed beneath this one.

Towards the end the leg of bacon turns into a pie, but I'm guessing that the pie was overlooked from a change you made.

Fantastic Mr Fox indeed, and there could be more story here than you've written. I'd love to read it all.

Nell.




Becca at 07:51 on 20 March 2005  Report this post
Hi David,
Nell has covered a lot of the points that come up. So for me the other thing that stood out was the fact that the fox is afraid of the man, but there's no indication of it when he speaks, 'speak like a man', he says, not something you'd say if you were afraid, I felt. When the fox returns the man is more miserable than he was before, but there was no indication that he was miserable before. So I think that tightening up on these details would sharpen the piece a lot, give it more clarity.
The descriptiveness of the writing is in line with the feeling of the Fellowship.. but there were phrases that could maybe do with very small changes. The ones that stood out were: 'Making sure he was alone', 'looking quickly about him' would hold the action better, and 'with his jaw' feels more natural as 'in his jaw.' Also 'took over him' might read easier as 'took him over.'
I loved the phrase 'wayfarers in the night', it's very evocative of the setting and old worldy feeling of the piece. The other phrase which had me hesitating was 'choked out snakes of smoke', I envisaged the man coughing rather than smoking; I think this style of writing is very vulnerable to imagery that doesn't quite do the job that's intended for it, and I felt in the sentence about choking.
Becca.

Heckyspice at 14:16 on 31 March 2005  Report this post
Hi Nell and Becca,

Many thanks as ever for your comments. This was a hard thing to write as I was trying to evoke the feeling of the book. The man is supposed to be an agent of Saruman and thus a fearful person but as you point out the fox seems afraid and then is not, so this is a problem.

There is repetition that could be avoided and I can see most of it now. I got carried away with the idea rather than the substance of what the story is about.

David

Bianca at 16:15 on 03 April 2005  Report this post
Hi David

Know this was written a few weeks ago but I have been tied up for that time.

I had no recollection of the fox so felt compelled to look him up.

I enjoyed the way you made this tale for him and he now feels of some importance to me.

"embedded in his fur and paws" was a superb phrase for me and "grey silver eye of the world" helped to paint the picture.

I did wonder why the old man's demeanour changed quite quickly and wondered if we could have been given a little clue as to the reason for the fox's tie to this character.

As has been said, it could be tightened up a little but as a small piece I think it works well.

Shirley


Dee at 18:00 on 03 April 2005  Report this post
David, this is a masterful piece. It needs editing but I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

He was shackled to a pact his forefathers had made with the powers that stirred in dark places and looked south for their nourishment.
Brilliant rhythm in this line. ‘the powers that stirred in dark places’ would make a fantastic title for a novel.

Grip and Fang his guard dogs. ~ comma after Fang.

Maggot had seen the fox and a shouted out, “Be off with you, you varmint.”
Firstly, a surplus ‘a’. Secondly, it’s a long time since I read LOTR… do they use words like ‘varmint’? Sounds a bit 1950’s Western movie… sorry…

The fox slipped away, he understood that Maggot had his feet deep in the earth and was a wise power that many Hobbits could not see.
This would read better as two sentences:
The fox slipped away. He understood that Maggot had his feet…
The next part suggests that Maggot was a wise power. Presumably you mean the earth… so maybe you could re-phrase that line.

The Shire was a curious place and the Fox wondered why the Hobbits did not recognise the immense power that grew out of the earth, perhaps they did but cared less.
Again this would be better as two sentences:
The Shire was a curious place and the Fox wondered why the Hobbits did not recognise the immense power that grew out of the earth. Perhaps they did, but cared less.
(comma after ‘did’) … and ‘cared less’ … than what?

smial houses ???

aging night ~ ageing

The fox woke up and sniffed the air, deadness was there.
Again, I think this should be two sentences.
The fox woke up and sniffed the air. Deadness was there.

the bargain he head to make ~ had to make.

sliver ~ silver.

said the fox, he could feel ~ replace the comma with a full stop.

“Well now Sir Fox perhaps we can begin.”
“Well now, Sir Fox, perhaps we can begin.”

The fox padded slowly away from the fire, he sniffed the air,
I’m sure you’ve got the idea by now…

I need you steal something for me ~ to steal.

Love the description of the burly Hobbit’s first breakfast.

The man reached out to the pie ~ I thought it was a leg of bacon?

David, this is a great story, with loads of potential. I love these tangents we can find in novels.
Keep working on this one.

Dee


kat at 16:07 on 29 May 2005  Report this post
David
Loved the story. Beautiful, conjuring up the atmosphere of the original piece.I was too caught up in the story to notice anything else.
Kat

Heckyspice at 10:31 on 01 June 2005  Report this post
Hi Kat,

Thanks for reading. I am glad you enjoyed it.

David

lang-lad at 21:03 on 26 June 2005  Report this post
I think this is pretty good - even if it did start as an exercise. Above comments will have been useful to you, no doubt, and no need to do more than endorse them. I enjoyed it very much.
I wonder if there's any publishing rule says you can't extrapolate from other people's inventions? For example, I've done some parodies of popular songs and done them at poetry readings but I don't know what would happen if I tried to publish them so I've never tried. This would be in the same boat I think. I wonder if anybody would have an opinion on how you might publish a story like this one - if you decided to develop it further which I think, in terms of the quality of the writing, you could certainly do.
Thank-you for posting it up. Very enjoyable.
eliza

Heckyspice at 08:21 on 27 June 2005  Report this post
Eliza,

Thanks for the comments, I am pleased you enjoyed this.

I think your song parodies are called Filk Songs and I don't think it is a problem to publish them. Think about all the parodies that abound in countless TV sketch shows and or Humour magazines and Radio shows. I can not remeber seeing or hearing any disclaimer from such shows

The Shire Fox might be different here as characters and place names are taken directly from a published source. A simple disclaimer may be enough to avoid any penalties. I am sure there are WW members that have more knowledge about this.

Best Wishes,

David

lang-lad at 09:18 on 27 June 2005  Report this post
Dear David,
I take it you're not going to develop the Shire Fox are you? It's tempting to suggest you could develop it as a story in its own right but the charm of it of course is that it comes from the Hobbit stable where it would have to stay. Anyway, all the best, thanks for the tip about the other stuff.
good morning,
eliza

Nelly at 12:19 on 19 October 2005  Report this post
Hi,

Picked up your story on the random read. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, actually good to read some more into the world of Tolkien even if it’s by another author.


Neil.


Heckyspice at 13:21 on 19 October 2005  Report this post
Neil,

Thanks for reading. I think there are allsorts of minor incidents in LOTR that could be expanded into stories. For example what happend to Fatty Bolger ?(the Pete Best of the Hobbit world) or Gan Buri Gan and the Pukelmen?

Best wishes

David
Ps. Just checked your profile. I will have to read some of your stuff. If you have a lot superhero influences is the Gronk story based on the metal eating furball with weak heart(s) from the old Strontium Dog strip?? I seem to be having a flashback here.






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