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Toes

by Jubbly 

Posted: 14 March 2005
Word Count: 386
Summary: Just a bugbear of mine taken to the extreme.


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Gilbert Donaldson had been plagued by his toes all his life. Not the toes themselves as such, but the pain they were capable of receiving.

It dated back to an incident in his childhood when hed stubbed his big toe on the dining table. His blood turned white with pain, he felt himself float above the room as the agony spread through his foot and flooded his very being. The phobia wasnt helped when he read about a dreadful incident in the country involving a farmer and a lawnmower and a great deal of blood. He took to wearing three pairs of socks, hand knitted slippers and leather boots on top of it all. Needless to say walking about was very awkward and even he had to admit, that the pressure this extra protection placed on his toes caused them some discomfort as well. Once whilst undressing for the bath he dropped a bottle of bubble bath directly onto his foot he yowled with pain and almost exploded with rage when he dipped his damaged toe into the water for relief only to scold it in the process. He could guarantee that it would be his toes stepped on accidentally in the crowded bus, his toes suffering from chilblains in the winter and ingrown nails all year round, his toes that would seek out and find the lost drawing pin only for it to pierce his yellowed skin and stick fast in the flesh. His toes that would become infected by the unseen yet often felt splinter wedged between the nail and the baby soft flesh underneath. He could no longer put up with this terrible way of life he had to do something about it.


When they found him, he was unconscious on the reclining leather chair, his feet nestling in a warm bowl of water, the water the colour of mulberry wine and bobbing about on the surface, like tiny apples at a Halloween party, were ten little toes. Hed chopped them all off one by one with a Swiss army knife in the sheer hope that his primitive actions would bring him the peace hed always been denied. But sadly cutting off his toes to spite his fear was not the answer or indeed the best idea Gilbert Donaldson had ever had.







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Comments by other Members



crowspark at 19:16 on 14 March 2005  Report this post
Hi Jubbly, love that opening sentence. I was completely hooked by this sentence:

His blood turned white with pain, he felt himself float above the room as the agony spread through his foot and flooded his very being.


I wasn't sure this sentence had entirely milked the humour of the situation; "he yowled with pain and almost exploded with rage when he dipped his damaged toe into the water for relief only to scold it in the process" funny as it is. I wondered whether a slight change in word order would be better.

This is absolutely delicious:

When they found him, he was unconscious on the reclining leather chair, his feet nestling in a warm bowl of water, the water the colour of mulberry wine and bobbing about on the surface, like tiny apples at a Halloween party, were ten little toes.


A very splendid flash.

Bill

Account Closed at 20:03 on 14 March 2005  Report this post
Ugh! What a nasty ending! I liked the image of the toes bobbing around like apples.

I would have thought he would faint before chopping off all the toes!

"But sadly cutting off his toes to spite his fear was not the answer or indeed the best idea Gilbert Donaldson had ever had." = This sentence seems to say too much. I think you could get rid of 'the answer or indeed'.

A lawnmower seemed very suburban for a farmer - rural accidents usually involve tractors or combine harvesters.

Taken to the extreme indeed!

Elspeth



me at 22:43 on 14 March 2005  Report this post
A fantastic rendition of obsession taken to the extreme. Placed me in mind of the mountaineer cutting off his own frost bitten toes with a jigsaw.

A great piece.

Me

Silverelli at 17:34 on 15 March 2005  Report this post
Owwa. I actually felt that stinging pain all throughout the text, not just at the ending. He had no choice, although one by one is a bit self torturing. Owwa.

Did't feel like 300 words. Felt like 5 words, but a whole story here. Nice.

Adam

PS-Love the dorky name, Gilbert Donaldson.


anisoara at 21:39 on 15 March 2005  Report this post
Oh Julie, how sick!!! LOL (How can I LOL at a story like this? I am sick! Sick!)

Here I howled while Gilbert yowled: "he yowled with pain and almost exploded with rage when he dipped his damaged toe into the water for relief only to scold it in the process."

Here I think you could use a paragraph break, as following on fromthe bathtub incident, I thought it was the toes of his bubble-bath-bashed foot that would be trampled on the bus, but I think you mean his toes (all of them) in general: "He could guarantee that it would be his toes stepped on accidentally in the crowded bus, his toes suffering from chilblains in the winter" etc.

Funny sick humour. :-D

Ani

BorderBound at 21:01 on 18 July 2005  Report this post
I thought the end was hilarious!


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