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The Taj Mahal

by sue n 

Posted: 13 March 2005
Word Count: 414
Summary: This has been a difficult piece to write - I await comments with interest.


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The Taj Mahal,
Would the Taj Mahal, one of the most photographed buildings in the world, live up to the promise, the hype and the 1,000 rupee entrance fee? Part of the mystique comes from the romance of the story, Shah Jahan taking 10 years to build a marble mausoleum in memory of his favourite wife, who died giving birth to their seventeenth child.

Once inside the grounds, a reverential hush prevailed among the visitors waiting in the early morning mist. It was an unnerving quiet, with something constant missing, and only gradually did I realise that it was the unrelenting, noisy hubbub of India that was absent. There were no tugs at my sleeve from emaciated beggars or children missing limbs, no women thrusting babies at me, pleading for milk, no boys asking where was I from and would I come to their uncle's shop--only an expectant silence.

As the sun forced its way above the horizon, struggling on upward to clear the thick layer of grey pollution, a low whisper began to emanate from the crowd, rising to a murmur as, at last, the dawn light broke through. Suddenly, the Taj came into sharp focus, the pink tinge of the dawn light imbuing it with a fairy-tale glow against the brightness of the new day's blue sky. It was smaller than I expected, with that pristine neatness of a replica in a model village, perfectly symmetrical, with its inlaid arches and graceful dome framed by the four identical minarets. I had expected to be impressed, but the emotion evoked came as a surprise. The exquisite grace and beauty somehow encapsulated the love that inspired its creation, and my heart responded.

In contrast to the vivid whiteness of outside, inside, a soft dappled light shone through the pierced marble of the windows and the screen round the two cenotaphs of Shah Jehan and his wife, breaking up the geometric precision of the symmetric arches and colonnades, and creating little sparkles as it caressed the inlaid jewels.

The perfect mirror image shimmered on the water of the lake, which has the evocative name of the Celestial Pool of Abundance. Content to wait until the view was relatively clear of Japanese holding up two fingers, families of small Indians and groups of large Germans, I captured my shot of the Taj and its reflection.
This photo now graces a wall in my home, a daily reminder of the beauty that man is capable of creating.







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Comments by other Members



Account Closed at 15:20 on 13 March 2005  Report this post
Beautiful, Sue,

The tranquility of the TM came across well in this.

I liked this:

"There were no tugs at my sleeve from emaciated beggars or children missing limbs, no women thrusting babies at me, pleading for milk, no boys asking where was I from and would I come to their uncle's shop--only an expectant silence."

groups of large Germans,= did you really mean the Germans are large? Seems a bit of a generalistaion. You could put all the nationality comments in the singular - then you'd get away with it.

Didn't the Shah kill the architect's wife so that he'd have the right level of suffering to build something to match up to the Shah's own suffering?

Elspeth

Ambitions of Lisa at 22:01 on 13 March 2005  Report this post
I can imagine this was a very difficult piece to write.

You brought back some fantastic memories for me and reminded me of the emotions I experienced when standing in front of the Taj.

I can relate to...Itwas smaller than I expected, with that pristine neatness of a replica in a model village,..."

A very interesting read.

Lisa

Richard Brown at 17:36 on 15 March 2005  Report this post
Sue,

Well worth the effort! I think it's a very clever piece of writing which does, in a mysterious fashion (like the Taj itself!), convey a great deal of the nebulous but wonderful feeling that the building evokes.

One tiny thing - how about eliminating the word 'slowly'in the opening line of the third paragraph? The way it is at the moment I was reminded of the cliched; 'As the sun sinks slowly in the west....'The word 'forced' which follows conveys the idea of struggle. You could, of course, substitute another word if you want to keep the rhythm; 'bravely'? - something like that.

Richard.

sue n at 17:55 on 15 March 2005  Report this post
Thanks Elspeth, Lisa and Richard.
Only one cliche commented upon? - I'm happy with that.
I didn't know the bit about the architect's wife--if its true, it worked.
I'll have a think about 'large Germans'
At least I can put the Taj away for a while (until the next revision)
Sue n

lomi at 18:01 on 27 March 2005  Report this post
You are extremely brave putting your work up for criticism. It was well written and as the reader I got a sense of the place without ever having been to India.

I was advised once, to make my writing sharper, to re-write without the use of adverbs! and I would have made that first paragraph one hard hitting sentence.

Good luck with more travel writing.

sue n at 18:55 on 27 March 2005  Report this post
Thanks Iomi
Its not brave -- what I love about this site is that you can experiment and feel confident that you will receive honest feedback, sometimes critical but always constructive.
I saw on another thread that you have had some stuff published. What and where? I am incurably inquisitive as to where other people get published.
Sue n


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