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by Souchong 

Posted: 11 March 2005
Word Count: 60
Summary: moody sort of poem - whatever that means

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weighs heavy on my upturned palm,
fingers entreating
hand full of negative space
where you are not

bubbled surfaces
distil through fingertips
absorb experience
rough on smooth, smooth on rough

fingerblind, I inhale the touch
of driftwood, stone,
slabs of paint,
leaves, water,
bark, brick

skinhungry, bereft
body flat against the ground,
along my length the earth’s caress

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Comments by other Members

Beanie Baby at 08:59 on 18 March 2005  Report this post
Oh but this is a work of art! So graphic, making the most of all the senses - "fingerblind, I inhale the touch" - love it!
Beautiful piece of pure poetry.

Souchong at 21:32 on 21 March 2005  Report this post
thanks beanie.
much appreciated

engldolph at 20:16 on 07 April 2005  Report this post
Hi Souchong,

yes, really liked the way you capture absence and the longing for touch ... delicate but a strong ... I loved the ideas of the weight of air, the smell of touch...fingerblind, skinhungry..

sensuous and nicely paced...

The second stanza did not quite feel as natural as the others and I think the poem might gain without it.. I might also try "entreat" rather than "entreating"...sharper edged

the last line where you use "caress" did not feel quite right... for me, all through the piece is longing for the touch of the person who is not there...that nothing can replace....but to me, the "caress" of the earth inplies that this can replace it quite well.. if you had "hard caress" (not those words but the same idea)..then it would be stronger and more consistent...

but all these things to consider are minor compared to the feeling that resonates..


seanfarragher at 17:58 on 15 April 2005  Report this post
Imagery makes for sensual, erotic poetry. This wonderful line from your poem makes my case: "body flat against the ground,"
Now that could lead to more detail, to a greater connection between observer and person. It is, without exaggeration a beautiful poem filled with tenderness and a shifting very intricate design and desire.

seanfarragher at 18:16 on 16 May 2005  Report this post
The imagery is beautiful in this poem. I Loved reading it. Keep up the great work. Music is in the eye as well as the ear. Bravo.

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