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absence
Posted: 11 March 2005
Word Count: 60
Summary: moody sort of poem - whatever that means
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absence
air
weighs heavy on my upturned palm,
fingers entreating
hand full of negative space
where you are not
bubbled surfaces
distil through fingertips
absorb experience
rough on smooth, smooth on rough
fingerblind, I inhale the touch
of driftwood, stone,
slabs of paint,
leaves, water,
bark, brick
skinhungry, bereft
body flat against the ground,
along my length the earth’s caress
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Comments by other Members
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 Beanie Baby at 08:59 on 18 March 2005
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Oh but this is a work of art! So graphic, making the most of all the senses - "fingerblind, I inhale the touch" - love it!
Beautiful piece of pure poetry.
Beanie.
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engldolph at 20:16 on 07 April 2005
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Hi Souchong,
yes, really liked the way you capture absence and the longing for touch ... delicate but a strong ... I loved the ideas of the weight of air, the smell of touch...fingerblind, skinhungry..
sensuous and nicely paced...
The second stanza did not quite feel as natural as the others and I think the poem might gain without it.. I might also try "entreat" rather than "entreating"...sharper edged
the last line where you use "caress" did not feel quite right... for me, all through the piece is longing for the touch of the person who is not there...that nothing can replace....but to me, the "caress" of the earth inplies that this can replace it quite well.. if you had "hard caress" (not those words but the same idea)..then it would be stronger and more consistent...
but all these things to consider are minor compared to the feeling that resonates..
enjoyed
Mike
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seanfarragher at 17:58 on 15 April 2005
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Imagery makes for sensual, erotic poetry. This wonderful line from your poem makes my case: "body flat against the ground,"
Now that could lead to more detail, to a greater connection between observer and person. It is, without exaggeration a beautiful poem filled with tenderness and a shifting very intricate design and desire.
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seanfarragher at 18:16 on 16 May 2005
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The imagery is beautiful in this poem. I Loved reading it. Keep up the great work. Music is in the eye as well as the ear. Bravo.
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