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Reunion

by poemsgalore 

Posted: 03 July 2003
Word Count: 1010


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Reunion

For the umpteenth time that afternoon, Briony looked at the clock. Only another half an hour and Robert will be here. It had been twenty years since she last saw him and she was anxious to make a good impression. She checked the table again, freshly cut sandwiches and cakes she had baked that morning lay temptingly on her best china plates. Briony covered everything over with a clean cloth. The fruit salad was chilling nicely in the 'fridge along with the whipped cream, they would be the ideal finish to the tea she had so carefully prepared for the two of them. All she had to do when Robert arrived was take the cover off the food and switch the kettle on to make a pot of tea.
"What if he prefers coffee?" she thought and immediately took the coffee maker out of the cupboard. She didn't use it very often, but there were some filter papers somewhere. She rummaged frantically through the kitchen drawers until much the her relief she found them. When she was satisfied that everything was as perfect as it could be, she went and sat down.

Her flat was very small but she enjoyed keeping it spotless. As she had no family, and few friends, she spent her time creatively. The flat was adorned with all kinds of things she had knitted, crocheted or embroidered. The result was cosy and welcoming. She picked up the small photograph album that was on the top of a nearby coffee table. It was full of photographs of Robert that she had kept. She gazed down at the wispy blond hair and blue eyes. Her mind drifted back to the first time she had seen him.

Briony had been almost sixteen and it had been love at first sight. He was the most beautiful person she had ever seen and she never tired of just looking at him and stroking the soft skin on his face. Everything had been wonderful at first but Briony was so young, she just wasn't ready for the total commitment that Robert demanded.

As the weeks went by, he had become more demanding of her time and energy. She saw less and less of her friends. They would invite her to go out with them: ice skating, dancing, ten pin bowling. She was very tempted but there was always Robert. They did go out together occasionally, but to Briony it didn't seem the same somehow. She gradually lost touch with all of her friends and saw only Robert, thought only of Robert, lived only for Robert. Then the day came when Briony realized she could no longer cope.

It wasn't that she didn't love him, she did. That was what made it so hard. When she finally told him it was with tears in her eyes.
"I can't give you everything you need." She had told him "I love you so much but it somehow isn't enough." Robert hadn't understood her, he just stared back at her and she had to look away from him. Briony hoped that one day he would understand and forgive. Some time later she heard that he had settled down with a woman who was twice her age called Rose, and that was all she ever knew.

In the weeks and months that followed Briony gradually came to terms with parting from Robert. She built a new life for herself and found a job that she enjoyed. But somewhere in the background there was always a dull ache. Even now, twenty years later she was aware of it. She had kept these photos as a memento but she had hardly ever dared to look at them because of the pain they caused. Then a month ago the letter had arrived. When she opened it and found out it was from Robert, she was a little worried about reading it but she put her worries to one side as her curiosity was too much for her.

Robert wondered if she would meet him. As she didn't have anyone to discuss it with she decided it would be a good idea to write back and send her telephone number. Robert called her the following week. He explained that he understood her reasons for leaving him all those years ago.
"Do you forgive me Robert?" she asked anxiously.

"There's nothing to forgive" he told her "you did what you thought was best."

"What made you decide to contact me?"

"I've had a good life with Rose but I often thought about you. I would have contacted you sooner but I didn't want to hurt Rose. When she died two months ago I decided to go ahead. I hoped that you wouldn't mind." He sounded anxious.

"I'm glad you did" she reassured him. "We have a lot to catch up on." So here she was a week later waiting for him to arrive. Suddenly, a knock at the door startled her. After having one last look at herself in the mirror she went to open the door. Robert stood smiling down at her and Briony couldn't help but wonder if he felt as nervous as she did.

"Come in Robert" she said "I'll just go and put the kettle on. Would you like tea or coffee?"

"Tea will be just fine thanks." Robert followed her through. When she removed the cover from the table his eyes opened wider. "You have gone to a lot of trouble haven't you."

"Not really, it's nice to have an excuse to set the table properly for once." He noticed the tell tale rattle of the cups and saucers as her hands shook nervously when she moved them and gave her a searching look. She took a deep breath and smiled at him.

"As you can see I'm a bit nervous." Robert took her hands in his.

"That's understandable under the circumstances. I'm a bit nervous myself, after all it's not every day that you meet your real mum for the first time in twenty years."






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Comments by other Members



Nell at 07:44 on 04 July 2003  Report this post
Hi Kathleen,

A tender little story with a surprise at the end, and one I didn't anticipate.

Reading Briony's thoughts as she waits I felt that something was not quite right - any girl so 'in love' would find her heart ruling her head - so that made the ending especially satisfying. Clever.

You might want to look at the way you tell the story -much of it feels like 'telling' rather than 'showing' at the moment. I don't mean you should change all of Briony's actions to 'show' rather than 'tell', I think if you did the rather lovely simplicity might be lost, and that would be a shame, maybe just some of them.

One sentence that struck me was:

He noticed the tell tale rattle of the cups and saucers as her hands shook nervously when she moved them and gave her a searching look.

This is indeed showing rather than telling, but I think you could say slightly less - maybe just:

'He noticed the tell tale rattle of the cups and saucers and gave her a searching look.'


Hope this helps, best, Nell.







Sarah at 12:10 on 04 July 2003  Report this post
Hi Kathleen...


You tricked me....

Excellent, excellent twisty tale. A perfectly calculated trick.

I noticed, aty the beginning, you change tense in the first sentence. it should read: only another half an hour and Robert would be there. (I say 'there' because third person).

Also, you say the cakes lay temptingly on china plates. Adverbs in narration, I think, are very weak. To me it sounds better to say: The cakes tempted her from (on) their china plates... (and not 'she was tempted by the cakes'. Passive voice is weak, unless, of course, she is weak). This is also a nice little character reference, telling me she likes to indulge a little.

I was hooked from the get go. Good story!

Becca at 16:40 on 05 July 2003  Report this post
Hi Kathleen,
I have to agree with Nell on the exposition, that is, there is a little too much explanation. I picked out the following sentence to demonstrate it: 'When she opened it and found out it was from Robert, she was a little worried about reading it but she put her worries to one side as her curiousity was too much for her.' Something like the following says the same thing: 'On realising it was from Robert she left the letter unread on the table, until she had calmed herself.'
I liked the twist at the end as well and went back to read it in a new light. I feel though that such a momentous occasion would have bought out huge tensions in Briony. The care with which she lays the table and thinks about what he might want begins this thred, but in this story you have the perfect chance to really show her nervousness, and keep the reader hooked wanting to know what is going to happen. Does that make sense? The story would be stronger if you exploited that dimension.

poemsgalore at 17:39 on 06 July 2003  Report this post
All the points you have made have been taken on board, I do tend to want to explain things too much. Thanks for all the suggestions - they've been very helpful and I'll bear them in mind for future stories. Still, glad you all liked the ending.

bjlangley at 12:45 on 09 July 2003  Report this post
Once I'd read it through, I went back over it again.

Wispy blonde hair, blue eyes, soft skin.

So clearly descriptions of a baby, once you know. Very clever.

tweed at 23:25 on 11 July 2003  Report this post
A smashing story, delicately told.

poemsgalore at 12:36 on 12 July 2003  Report this post
Thanks Tweed, much appreciated as are all the helpful comments.

roger at 07:48 on 16 August 2003  Report this post
Hi PG,

I've just come across this and I'm with Tweed - 'a smashing story, delicately told'. Sometimes, I think we can worry too much about the nuts and bolts of writing and forget that without a good story, the nuts & bolts become a bit irrelevant. What you have here is a good story, one that conjures up many images of how Briony must have felt all those years ago, the things that must have gone through her mind, and Roberts, during those years. Heartache, confusion....so much. So you finish up with a huge story told in just 1000 words. And to my mind, that's clever. Lovely.


poemsgalore at 12:16 on 16 August 2003  Report this post
Thank you Roger, I didn't want it to be too 'mawkish' and sentimental, but I don't suppose you can avoid that with this type of story.

roger at 16:00 on 16 August 2003  Report this post
Well I think you managed to, P.G...that's why it worked so well.


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